Book Stamper For Life.

Breaking News: Muttontron arrested!

2009-01-27T00:06:00.000-08:00

Goat detained over armed robbery

LAGOS (Reuters) – Police in Nigeria are holding a goat on suspicion of attempted armed robbery.

Vigilantes took the black and white beast to the police saying it was an armed robber who had used black magic to transform himself into a goat to escape arrest after trying to steal a Mazda 323.

"The group of vigilante men came to report that while they were on patrol they saw some hoodlums attempting to rob a car. They pursued them. However one of them escaped while the other turned into a goat," Kwara state police spokesman Tunde Mohammed told Reuters by telephone.

"We cannot confirm the story, but the goat is in our custody. We cannot base our information on something mystical. It is something that has to be proved scientifically, that a human being turned into a goat," he said.

Belief in witchcraft is widespread in parts of Nigeria, Africa's most populous nation. Residents came to the police station to see the goat, photographed in one national newspaper on its knees next to a pile of straw.

Yes!

2009-01-27T00:02:00.000-08:00

Unreturned library book leads to woman's arrest

INDEPENDENCE, Iowa – An Iowa woman has been arrested because she failed to return a library book.

Thirty-nine-year-old Shelly Koontz was arrested Thursday night on a fifth-degree theft charge. She is accused of keeping "The Freedom Writers Diary," which she checked out from the public library in nearby Jesup in April.

Police say the book — which is about a high school teacher's effort to inspire students to write — is valued at $13.95.

Court records show library employees tried repeatedly to contact Koontz by phone and mail. A police officer even visited her home last September.

Officials at the Buchanan County jail say Koontz was released after posting $250 bond. No telephone listing for Koontz could be found in the Independence area.

The Curious Case of Muttontron!

2009-01-26T23:39:00.000-08:00

Newspaper claims suspect transformed into a goat

LAGOS, Nigeria – One of Nigeria's biggest daily newspapers reported that police implicated a goat in an attempted automobile theft. In a front-page article on Friday, the Vanguard newspaper said that two men tried to steal a Mazda car two days earlier in Kwara State, with one suspect transforming himself into a goat as vigilantes cornered him.

The paper quoted police spokesman Tunde Mohammed as saying that while one suspect escaped, the other transformed into a goat as he was about to be apprehended.

The newspaper reported that police paraded the goat before journalists, and published a picture of the animal.

Police in the state couldn't immediately be reached for comment.

Belief in black magic is widespread in Nigeria, particularly in far-flung rural areas.

I absolutely love reading the Odd News section @ Yahoo! But this one...well, she's special.

Training Ground Notches, Perfectly Executed Notches and Near Misses (2008 Rewind)

2008-12-31T00:26:00.000-08:00

Reflection time. 2008. Another year wasted? Sure. But memorable nonetheless.

The Rundown

Favorite New Band - Glasvegas

Favorite Album - Glasvegas, Glasvegas!

Favorite Song - It's My Own Cheating Heart That Makes Me Cry, Glasvegas!

Favorite Pop Song - Single Ladies, Beyonce. Like a cattle call in the club. Thank B!

Gig I Wish I hadn't Missed - Glenn Campbell @ Troubadour

Gig I Wish I had Missed - Some Swedish band @ The Viper Room whose name eludes me!

Favorite Character - T-Pain

Unhealthy Obsessions - Carla Gugino, Claudia Bassols

Favorite Book - A Case of Exploding Mangoes, Mohammed Hanif

Most Underrated - Ron Paul (R-Texas)

Most Overrated/Underrated - Barack Obama

Favorite Film - Let the Right One In

Favorite Documentary Film - Taxi to the Dark Side

Favorite Film about screwed up White people - Rachel Getting Married

Most Hyped Film- Pineapple Express

Dumbest Move - Gambling away my IRA in the stock market.

2nd Dumbest Move - Driving cross-country (L.A. - Miami) when gas was over $4/gal.

Favorite New Town Visited - Blytheville, AR

Proudest Moment - Giving Best-Man Speech

Missed - George Carlin, Studs Terkel, Isaac Hayes

(Dis)missed - Newspapers

Overkill - Vegas

Spectacular - Beijing Olympics Opening/Closing Ceremonies

Most Frustrating/Heart Wrenching - Losing to the Celtics

Newsworthy/Where it went down - Pakistan

Most Embarrassing Moment - Getting caught leaving a Chinatown bathroom--the ladies room with...

Favorite (New) Personal Quote 2008 - Behind every pretty girl is cockblocker!

2008. Adios! Adieu! Donadagohvi! Hagoone'! Sayonara! Auf Wiedersehen! Arrivederci! Hejdå! Sampai Jumpa! Paalam! Zai Jian! Farvel! Namaste! Ayo! Rub Rakha! Adeus! Selamat pergi! Tot ziens! 再见! Yasou! Hwyl fawr! Annyeonghi Kyeseyo! Hyvästi! La revedere! Veloma! Ma'a ssa'lām!

My other car is a minority.

2008-12-28T00:35:00.000-08:00

It's late. The year is winding down and I've been watching PBS all night. On next is Rick Steve's Gaza Strip: Through the Back Door travel special. How timely. Sorry Rick, everything I need to know about the Gaza Strip I learn from fair and balanced AP dispatches. Anyhow, back to Senior Steve--seriously, who finds this guy appealing? Let's try again, who under 60/non-old-White-lady finds this guy appealing? No, I've been ~~watching~~ obsessed with this Spain On The Road Again series with Gweneth Paltrow, that Mario Batali guy, some creep food critic/writer and the new love of my life, Spanish actress Claudia Bassols. Move over Carla Gugino! A relatively unknown here in the states, I think the show's producers felt they needed a native to give the show a bit more authenticity, but that's not important right now, what is important is that I quite fancy her. In fact I think she may just be the perfect woman. I think I may just have to marry her. To see here hoarding slices of ruby red jamón from that creep was more amusing than the 6th time I came out of the closet. Hell, I'm even willing to overlook her upcoming romantic comedy with Breakin' extra Jean Claude Van Damme. The premise of the show is simple--the cast travel through Spain eating. The irony of course is that Spanish food is quite bland and isn't really all that good. But everything looks so damned good on the show...whats that you say?! The show is funded by Spain's Ministry of Tourism. Es verdad.

Now that's just S.A.D.

2008-12-08T02:54:00.001-08:00

Courtesy Bio-Light

The irony here is that it's really cold and I haven't seen the sun since Friday...not exactly by choice (Oasis gig in Vegas) but that's not important right now. What is important is that I know the hell the song S.A.D. Light by Glasvegas is about. Only after reading the lyrics and a few Google searches of course. It had been driving me to what Esmée Denters titled her record, a crazy place.

Pity thy winter blues. So apparently, there are folks who suffer from something called, Seasonal Affective Disorder (S.A.D.), from Wiki:

A mood disorder in which people who have normal mental health throughout most of the year experience depressive symptoms in the winter repeatedly, year after year. The US National Library of Medicine notes that "some people experience a serious mood change when the seasons change. They may sleep too much, have little energy, and crave sweets and starchy foods. They may also feel depressed. Though symptoms can be severe, they usually clear up." The condition in the summer is often referred to as Reverse Seasonal Affective Disorder, and can also include heightened anxiety.
There are many different treatments for classic (winter-based) seasonal affective disorder, including light therapies with bright lights, anti-depression medication, ionized-air administration, cognitive-behavioral therapy, and carefully timed supplementation of the hormone melatonin.

Sounds made up. Just ask Tom Cruise. One "cure" is a S.A.D. light, aka Full Spectrum Lighting and how it works is simple--stare at 10,000 lux light for an hour a day--and you no longer feel the urge to leave Alaska or make friends or do crystal meth or burn down the Hot Topic. Hell, you don't even have to go outside. Smile! Like I've been saying for days, the sun is overrated anyway.

Perhaps I should be a bit more empathetic, not everyone has had the benefit of growing up in a season-less place. Es verdad, pero those people should move, apenas no aquí, por favor.

Winter blues no love for you
Seasons change in a gothic way
10, 000 lux to light us up
In these winter nights if I'm wandering all alone

I'll turn on my S.A.D. light

As I'm staring at Alpha Centauri
All I can see is how it's glow seems so far
How did I get to this point
Of things playing so heavy on my heart
Twinkle little star
How I wonder what you are

I'll turn on my S.A.D. light

See, you do learn something new everyday. Nuclear winters?! Bring it on. Okay, time for bed, the sun's coming up soon.

Sniff...no really, its just something in my eye...

2008-11-26T00:15:00.001-08:00

Glasvegas - Daddy's Gone

Say...are these lads foreign? Accent? What accent?

May the absence of daddy continue to inspire many a maladjusted adolescent...and future exotic dancers.

Undead. Undead. Suckers.

2008-11-23T23:31:00.000-08:00

Fad: a practice or interest followed for a time with exaggerated zeal.
— Merriam-Webster Dictionary

Bring back the penguins! What happened to the penguins? Do we not care about penguins any longer? What happened to the baby craze? Today, we've gone vampire crazy. The literary world started it. Hollywood should end it. Soon. What say you pirates? Hmm...pregnant penguin vampires...

Oh, and a heads up to insecure dudes...if there's a movie with anyone named Seth--acting, producing, directing, and/or writing involved you will see male full-frontal. Yes. Consider yourself warned.

Early AM Poetry from C.O.M.P.T.O.N

2008-11-21T05:06:00.000-08:00

Yes this is verse from a "gangster rap" song. I recall hearing this in the early 90's and thinking...how wonderful.

RBX - Stranded on Death Row (Verse 2)

No prevention from this lynchin of sorts
Your're a victim, from my driveby of thoughts
No extensions, all attempts are to fail
Blinded by the light, it's time you learn braile
From the lunatic, I'm death like arsenic
When I kick a wicked raps, Dr. Dre will hit the scratch
With treachery, my literary form will blast
And totally surpass the norm
Not a storm, plural, make it, many storms
When I'm vexed, I fly leg necks and arms
In this dimension, I'm the presenter
And the inventor, and the tormentor
Deranged, like the Hillside Strangler
MC mangler, tough like Wrangler
I write a rhyme, hard as concrete
Step to the heat and get burned like mesquite!
So what you wanna do?

The narrator RBX, cell block two

Getting caught up in the moment...briefly.

2008-11-16T01:32:00.000-08:00

Say, was that you riding a fixie at midnite around Sunset + Hyperion on election nite in skinny jeans, a I ♥ NY tee and sporting a keffiyeh? (You sure as hell weren't wearing that scarf on Sept. 12, 2001!). Complete with a bandana hanging from your back pocket. That was you. You had just left the taco truck with your carne asada con todo. Si Se Puede! The Piolín would be proud. Seriously. Stop. Please. No, seriously. Stop. Come on. I'm pleading here. Riding around in tight black jeans is just plain silly, with no helmet no less. Silly and unsafe. It's so not L.A. And when did not having to kill your legs riding uphill on an old road bike with more than one cog become uncool?!

I don't know what the motivation is. I really don't. As I understand, hipster (I hate that word, like EMO--I don't know what the hell it means. Someone asked me once if I listened to EMO, I replied, you mean like the Geto Boys? That's some EMOtional shit) fashion today is--one part skater/punk, one part Black girl (circa 1988) and one part fag--but you can only get away that shit in the Mission district (SF) or parts of NYC, but L.A.? Come on. My five biggest pet peeves--litterers, parking lot speeders, gasoline spillers @ the pump, people who aren't down with Air Supply and the most egregious--Californians sporting NYC garb. Leave now. Please. No really. Leave. I hate to break this too you, and there's no easy way to say this, so I will just come out and say it. Here goes. People from NYC aren't anymore interesting, creative, brave or real than folks in Chattanooga, TN or Blytheville, AR for that matter, but possibly more so than people in Orange County. Hehe.

I digress, I've spent the last few days here in the Bay trying to make sense of it all. San Francisco values seated deep. Quick recap--hip Lesbians, twitching dealers, hitchhikers, belligerence, parking nightmares, 120sq ft. studio apts, musicians, junkie clichés, lines and lines, good times. Pity thy principles. Looks like I picked a bad week to...what's that? You're a designer/writer/musician/dj/hairdresser/model? Wow. I'm sorry, but I'm interested in meeting a nice admin assistant who works in the billing department of a mid-size HMO.

So, nearly two weeks have passed since the election...a clearer mind and a chance to reflect as I await Change.

Election day...surprisingly, no line and no waiting. Walked right in to my polling location (St.Something-or-other Catholic Church). Ink-a-dot pen in hand, I did a quick once over of the names for Supreme Leader. First name--the Unreasonable Man himself, Ralph Nader, Cynthia McKinney (Green Party), McCain/Palin, that Hussein fellow, Alan Keyes (yes that Alan effin' Keyes--the man who once had his own show on MSNBC of all places--post 9/11 of course, what a difference 6 years makes), and Bob Barr (Republican turned Libertarian candidate). So there I was voting in this historic election and I couldn't do it. I couldn't bring myself to vote for the not-exactly-Black guy, even though I wanted him to win. I mean I like the guy. I really do. Truth be told, on more than one occasion I found myself defending BHO from some of the most asinine and downright sinister smears but on that morning I just couldn't bring myself to vote for the man. Plus, living here in CA, it really didn't matter much in the way of electoral votes now did it? No regrets.

But election night was an entirely different kind of flying--altogether. After watching Sydney McCain give his concession speech--gracious, humble, sincere--where was this McCain during the campaign I thought as I heading out. Ended up at a $9 cup o'chai tea cafe in L.A.'s lastest bastard child of gentrification--Echo Park, with a friend as CNN replayed parts of the Pres-Elect's speech on the flatscreen, when I heard some kind of ruckus outside the place. Finished my tangy tea and strawberry tart, went outside and noticed about 10-12 people on the street corner celebrating--a few with Obama t-shirts and placards. We stood watching for a few minutes before crossing the street and were warmly embraced with open arms and high-fives as triumphant tunes blasted out from the gelato place's tired speakers--everything from We Are The Champions and Eye of the Tiger to America, Fuck Yea! It was easy to get caught up in the moment. It seemed spontaneous, real, and genuine. In less than 30 minutes that small crowd had swelled to dozens and we could see another large crowd gathering on the corner down the street. A colored boy even tagged Yes We Did! on the utility box in front of me and for those brief moments, all I could do was smile my cynical ass silly. After about an hour the novelty had worn thin and it was time to go as a kind of immediate morning after effect kicked in.

And as the pieces of our new Pres-Elect's cabinet and policy making apparatus come together, the cynic has reemerged with a vengeance. Real change will probably have to wait a while longer. Let us pray.

The passing of a great American progressive

2008-11-02T21:11:00.000-08:00

From The Guardian:

Studs Terkel, the Pulitzer prize-winning author, broadcaster and master chronicler of American life in the 20th century, died last night. He was 96.
Celebrated for his streetwise portrayals of the American working class, Terkel was best known for letting the common people he called "the uncelebrated" tell their stories in books like Working and The Good War.
To generations of radio listeners he was also the voice of The Studs Terkel Show, which ran for 43 years and was widely syndicated across the US.

Late nite music to sit down to...

2008-10-04T01:10:00.000-07:00

Tim Booth works the crowd @ the El Rey last nite.

First show in ages where I actually stayed for its entirety. Simply amazing. Fans rushing the stage at a James show?! Yes but aren't they like old now? Self control has just expired--Tim brought it out in us ;) Stand out tracks--Say Something, Say, Sit Down, Top Of The World and Laid. Say, I hear Tim lives in L.A. now...I should go get him a new hat. Here is an older live clip featuring Tim in a weird skullcap/beenie. Cheers!

Laid

Say Something

Tim Booth sans curls 2008

You ever seen these two in the same place? Exactly. Now if you could get Ben Kingsley to dance like Michael Stipe, Tim Booth would be out of a job.

Ka'dairy.

2008-10-02T01:07:00.000-07:00

What did I say? What did I say? For the love of Intelligent Designer, never trust anyone named Asif--under any circumstance. Here is the playboy makin' a play for my special lady friend, Sandra. Yes, I call her Sandra now.

And a happy Eid to you too.

Late nite music that bobs and flaps...

2008-09-21T23:39:00.000-07:00

My second favorite Scorpio.

OMD - Pandora's Box

Late nite music from the land of fire and ice.

2008-09-18T23:36:00.000-07:00

Gus Gus circa 1997 - Believe (Live)

Fashion. Art. Beats. 10 years ahead of it's time. Brilliant.

Has it been over ten years?! Geez, I'm gettin' old. Help the aged. One of the best live shows I've ever seen. Polydistortion tour 1997 @ the Roxy, Sunset Blvd. Where were you?

The Market is falling!

2008-09-15T05:30:00.000-07:00

So much for my retirement accounts. Another headline like this--Lehman bankruptcy filing shows $613 billion debt, and I'm going to have to stop using my stimulus package on lapdances. $613Bn. Seriously? How does this happen? Someone explain! Surely Governor ~~Gidget~~ Palin will save us! Say, whatever happened to the guillotine? I decree now would be a good time for it to make a historic comeback. Begin with them pesky whiners and their mental recession! Say what? You owned LEH and AIG? Listen, this will all be over soon enough. Think of the losses you can write off.

Say, what are the visa requirements for Canadian residency?

Cup half-full--lapdances will stay reasonably priced for some time to come. Oooh, 2 for 1 specials. Don't despair!

Give this guy your money.

2008-09-10T06:57:00.000-07:00

Unhealthy obsession #342

Vintage Trek road bikes. I youtub'd Trek and came across this winner from the Empire state...normally I don't condone any kind of violence but after watching this, I wish someone would run over this guy's big toe with a 27" Super Champion Wolber. Vintage wheel reference. Thank you.

Subdivisions? $180! New Pedals! Craig1974 on youtube. Watch his videos. Pray for humanity.

How do you say crook in Urdu?

2008-09-09T06:00:00.000-07:00

"Playboy"

BBC Profile:

He spent several years in jail on charges of corruption. He was labelled "Mr 10%".
He found himself in major trouble in 1990 when he was accused of tying a remote-controlled bomb to the leg of a businessman and sending him into a bank to withdraw money from his account as a pay-off.

As a rule of opposable thumbs, never ever under any circumstance trust anyone named Asif. As if? Please. Crook? Possibly, but he'll be a pro-Western crook! Well why didn't you just say so in the first place? Send cash quick!

What say you Democracy?

Harmony, balance, beauty! Or simply looking for Chinese investors?

2008-09-09T02:20:00.000-07:00

Red.

Red is hot. It's a strong color that conjures up a range of seemingly conflicting emotions from passionate love to violence and warfare. Red is Cupid and the Devil.

Red is power, hence the red power tie for business people and the red carpet for celebrities and VIPs (very important people).
Flashing red lights denote danger or emergency. Stop signs and stop lights are red to get the drivers' attention and alert them to the dangers of the intersection.
In some cultures, red denotes purity, joy, and celebration. Red is the color of happiness and prosperity in China and may be used to attract good luck.Red is often the color worn by brides in the East while it is the color of mourning in South Africa. In Russia the Bolsheviks used a red flag when they overthrew the Tsar, thus red became associated with communism. Many national flags use red.

First it was Nevada State Hwy signs, now this...for over a year now, I've been watching every Bank of America location update it's signage to it's (newer) logo to a red background with red or occasionally blue text (see below). I totally flip out every time I see it now. Red on Red?

What say you dear Aesthetic?

Logo w/white background. Super!

Passion?

Let the eagle soar!

En vivo...

2008-09-07T22:27:00.000-07:00

Miss Mol as The Notorious Bettie Page

Watched more t.v. tonite than I have in years...

Watched a few minutes of Russell Brand hosting the MTV Music Awards, was sad to see him perform for such a sorry ass audience. When exactly did Kurt Loder become a wing-nut job?

Entourage. Season 5. What's it been 18 months? So after four seasons, we've come full circle...like watching the first season all over again. One word--gratuitous. And that's a good thing. Til next week.

True Blood. Bayou flavored vampire dramady. Indeed the vampire craze is in full swing. Apparently the grandma from Twister is in it. And that's pretty much all I recall. Aren't we due for a UFO craze?

How would I go about ~~stalking~~ meeting Gretchen Mol? I like her even more since I found out she named her son Ptolemy. As a brunette! Mmmm...Gretchen, like geography is spatial! Get it?! Spatial! I kill me. Why am I thinking of Miss Mol you ask? The Notorious Bettie Page is on now...Gretchen is amazing. However, the film itself is a bit unbalanced. Apparently, everyone in Tennessee is a creep/abuser/rapist/molester/religious nut. And all the smut peddlers/pornographers/bondage fiends in New York are hard working good folk. It's all so innocent! They're just pictures. They're just props! Come on now...how naive do they reckon we is? Irving Klaw? Seriously, total scumbag.

I recall watching my first Bettie Page video some dozen odd years ago...featured a dude in a monkey-suit knotting Bettie up improper like. Classic.

Amen.

Following up...

2008-09-07T02:33:00.001-07:00

How can you slap redux. It was only a matter of time.

When keepin' it real goes too far...

2008-09-06T06:57:00.001-07:00

Fun with Hindoos.

Does this mean he's officially off the show?

Here's the deal, listen, seriously, here's the thing--if you are the host of a lame English language Indian reality show and your job is to slap contestants around dressed like some kind of Desi dominatrix, don't be surprised if a little guy dressed as a Bavarian fruitcake slaps you back every now and then. These things are bound to happen. Just think of the ratings!

For the record, I stand with the fruity guy. Seems like a sweet sweet man. How can she slap? Seriously.

No bones about it...

2008-08-26T00:31:00.000-07:00

Courtesy Rossetti Archive

Like the mighty fist of God, Armageddon will descend upon the fashion world. I predict and slow miserable death...truth be told it's long over due. I don't claim to know who/what/where/how it started. Pirates? Secret societies? Animists? Headhunters? The Aryan Brotherhood? Yale University? OPEC? Yes, blame OPEC!

Enough!

In the new days--I reckon the culprits reside mostly in Los Angeles and Las Vegas. In fact, I'm convinced it's mandatory for every angry asshole in LV to sport that shit. I digress, what more can be said of fashion that hasn't already been said? In this case, that Wilde fellow was wrong when he wrote, fashion is a form of ugliness so intolerable that we have to alter it every six months. Sorry Oscar, you weren't around long enough to meet Sir Ed Hardy. The imagery probably says something about our society today. What exactly, I don't know. I have my theories; War. Guns. Violence. Cage fighting. Fear. Paranoia. Ten-fold increase in karate school enrollment. An affliction indeed. I'm being vague. I'll get to the point. It's got to end. Please. God. End it now. Save humanity and fashion. I'll make a deal with you...how about this-- ban any clothing with skulls and/or bones, crosses, guns or roses printed, flocked, stitched, stamped, or glued on it from every town save for Las Vegas and I will vote Republican this November. Fair? Strike them down God. Thanks! Oh, and if you could get Hollywood to stop casting talentless fat curly-haired Jewish dudes named Seth in every film I would totally stop using your name in vain.

Truth Alert & Update: 5 years ago I purchased a black Affliction t-shirt with skulls/horses on it. It has since been donated to an angry White guy in Clark County, NV. In return, he gave me all of his old flames/dice garb.

Does anyone still sport Von Dutch?

Borderline White-Supremacist Imagery?

61

2008-08-13T22:36:00.001-07:00

Courtesy Ronin 2.0

The Library.

2008-08-13T00:01:00.000-07:00

I'm back. Hi. I realize I don't write much about the library anymore--truth be told this is due mostly to laziness, apathy and genuine embarrassment...so here goes...catching up with the happenings and goings on the the Los Angeles Public Library. Some old news, but my take on things is important. Yea.

Beware the Trees

The signs were there. We just didn't heed their warnings. It started with the sap. For months it's been the sap. The dog-forsaken sap. More sap than I've ever seen--ruining many a car exterior and literally flowing down the driveway--staining everything in its wake. Then the Yellowjackets came (bees for the non-naturalists) buzzin' around the Peppercorn tree--instilling fear into the hearts of the evil-doers--library patrons rather. Finally culminating last week--a most brazen daytime assault. An angry Eucalyptus tree in the lot attacked our Adult Librarian's Honda. It was a sight to behold. A freak accident some proclaimed--as a large branch snapped, fell, defied the laws of physics, then made a hard left into the hatchback window. Smash! Absolutely amazing. But this was no freak accident. I know better--the parking lot was designed around the existing trees--much to the displeasure of the public today--the same public, I may point out, during the early public hearings, asked that the trees not be cut down when the new library was constructed. But I digress...much verbal venom has been spewed at those poor trees since--something had to the give. The message they sent was clear. Park elsewhere. Nature 1 Honda 0.

Smile

All library employees had to go in for a new photo-identification card recently. No reason provided. The two gentleman who took our photos--equipped with a notepad and simple low quality slim digi-cam--the kind popluar among myspace-skank-mirror-self-shot takers), didn't look like they were from the library personnel department. I wore a light grey button-up which blended into the white background of the ID. So all you is my brown head floating in space. Next person in line please.

Careful what you wish for

After much public outcry, celebrity op-eds, media scrutiny, a silly Save LAPL website (who claim today that they "Saved LAPL") combined with countless complaints from old White ladies, the city library and librarian (who has since stepped down) rescinded its controversial (not to me) interagency (inter-library to the layperson) planned loan fee of $1.00/per book--which btw costs the city one half hour of work per book, and more importantly makes life for library clerks miserable (I'm looking at you serial reservists). A compromise would have been to simply limit the number of Interagency requests a month. Right now of course there is no limit--so we have patrons who literally have 90 requests (on multiple cards).

So, in lieu of that, the library decided to--shorten the loan period for books back to two weeks instead of three (more I think about it hurts slow readers or our English as second language friends). Increase overdue fees to .30/per day. New non-Resident fee of $25. Increase the collections fee to $15. Among other recent increases--photocopier fee increase to .25. I'm sure I am forgetting other increases, but you get the idea. Yes, careful what you wish for indeed. Ha. Ha.

Public Libraries more popular than ever

Videos stores beware.

TKO

The company that provides every L.A. Public Library with "free" wireless is called Telkonet Inc. with it's Ethostream service. Listed on the AMEX (I've been watching the stock for almost two years), is trading at near its yearly low @ .44/share even though it reported a recent revenue increase. I don't know how long the the city's contract with the company is, but how hard could it possibly be for the city to provide its own wireless service?

More library related news/insights/adventures to come....hang on tight.

pRice Gouging...

2008-04-29T15:18:00.000-07:00

Fancy rice cooker. Sans rice.

One single isle at the local Persian/Armenian/Kosher/Lebanese/Arab/South Asian produce market in the Valley was nearly empty yesterday. Rationing. Commodity Speculators. Bio-Fuel. Drought. Exports bans. Protectionism. Hoarding. Greed. Sushi rolls. Fried Rice. Risotto. Gumbo. Rice and beans. Not the rice and beans! What the hell am I supposed to do without rice?! I'm gonna start rollin' up on those "Your Name On a Grain Of Rice" artists--and be like...brace yourself sucka! Brace yourself! What? It's break yo'self! Break yo'self?! That doesn't make any sense. How can I break myself? I can totally brace myself. But Break?! Nevermind that...this is a serious issue--how hard is it to grow rice? Cultivate, farm, pick. Seems like a lot of work...we're all doomed! Maybe I can make some cash with "Blame Corn" or "No Corn for Oil" t-shirts...

Some links.

Rice Shortages @ Wiki
Rice Shortages News (Google)
Understadning Global Rice Crisis

Man goes on cross-country tour to spell check typos on signs

2008-04-06T22:47:00.000-07:00

View video here. We could use this guy at the branch. I'm going on cross-country tour to teach people how to wash their hands...

Feliz Dia del César Chávez!

2008-03-31T23:52:00.000-07:00

We got the day off! Yea! Read my post from last year on Sir Julio. Every year our White friends are shocked about the State holiday. Que!? I did my part and ate some grapes. Now if only the farm workers today had the day off...

Freedom Cookies?

2008-03-03T21:53:00.000-08:00

Has it been over a month since I last posted?! As if anyone other than the list-makers care? We're all on some list...what's your score?

"Would you like to buy a box for the troops overseas?" F*@k!

Every year I buy Girl Scout cookies, this was the first time I've been put in such a frightening predicament. They were all staring, waiting for an answer--three bright-eyed girls and the older woman (there's always an older woman. Mom? Guide leader?). Almost as earth-shattering as hearing the words, "I'm pregnant" for a guy. Great dilemma--do I send a box of cookies to the Marines liberating Iraq? Why not to the children of Iraq I thought. Or to the homeless for that matter. But if I say no, I support the evil-doers. In the end my slightly above-average IQ flickered on and I got out of it by smiling and bumbling--Oh, I want to eat the cookies myself! Hehe. Lies. Lies. I gave the four boxes away to my nephews & bro-in-law. No intention of eating them myself. Them cookies is deadly. Remind me to send a box or two when the war ends. This was outside a Wal-Mart in glamorous Poway, CA. I can't think of any activity more American than shopping at Wal-Mart. Wal-Mart is as American as...well, crack cocaine. Pristine American business model that Wal-Mart has. Coincidentally I recall conservative writer and all-around funny man, Dinesh D'Souza responding to a college student's question--how do I know when I've become a real American? Dinesh quipped--When you vote Republican! Now that's just plain silly--it's when you enjoy shopping at Wal-Mart. Always. Wait..it's Buy Low. Live Better or something...

And who/what exactly are the Girl Scouts? And why cookies? Why not hummus or tamales or potstickers or medjool dates?! I would so buy medjool dates. But it's always the cookies. Every year. Mix it up a bit ladies. Come on now.

Are we back up?

2008-01-10T23:35:00.000-08:00

For nearly two weeks, all 1300 L.A. Public Library computers have been on the fritz. Mums the word as to what caused the meltdown--which began a couple days before the New Year holiday. Heads haven't rolled yet as a result...some should I reckon. It's been a frustrating couple weeks. But it seems alls well again...kinda...I lost my files on the desktop on one of the staff computers. Luckily I keeps backup. I am smart. Now if I recall, the tech admin support for the Library Dept. was like 2 extra people for the '07-08 fiscal year...I just feel bad for some patrons, actually I don't. I feel much worse for library staff who have had to play catch-up for the past 10 days or so. Stupid computers. Stupid library computers. Stupid internet. Stupid servers. Stupid books. People should just watch more TV.

My favorite internet quotes.

"The Internet...it's doesn't make you stupid, It makes your stupidity accessible to others"

"They have the Internet on computers now?!" (Homer Simpson)

On Guilds and Beards

2008-01-05T03:02:00.000-08:00

Someone tell me why I should support the Writers Guild strike? Why should anyone care who writes the material to the Colbert Report for instance? I say dump them all. There are countless aspiring writers in this town--scripts and screenplays in hand, praying to get even a toe in the door. And I'm sure many of them are good! And of all the workers in this country, in shit jobs/working conditions with lousy representation, we are supposed to empathize with the mainly rich White males of the WGA? Que? Come on, I saw Conan last nite, face filled with hair spinning his wedding ring for 40seconds on his desk. Now that's quality entertainment. But it does prove he can at least write his own material. Even Leno was decent (though today the WGA isn't laughing). And Letterman, who is also sporting a beard, looks more like a dirty old man then ever.

Panic on the streets of Pasadena

2008-01-05T00:12:00.000-08:00

Courtesy Pasadena Weekly

OMG! They snuck it in! Those sneaky Chinese.

The scene--Gorgeous clear morning. New Years Day. Orange Grove Blvd and Del Mar Avenue. Pasadena, Ca.

All the floats for the (119th) Tournament of Roses Parade lined up before midnight (New Years Eve). By far the best place to view the floats up close. Tradition. For the 8am start of the parade, the floats (que over a mile long) meet up with the bands/cheerleaders/horsefolk, entering from the East from Del Mar Avenue. Me...on the corner of Orange Grove + Del Mar. On the streets...dozens of Falun Gong activists (placards, pamphlets, petitions in hand, along with some rather graphic depictions of torture) working the street ...various human rights advocates and anti-war protesters as well. A joyous affair indeed. We had heard about the controversy surrounding the 2008 Beijing Olympic Games float (at a cost of $400,000 or so), and that we were to turn our backs as the float rolled by. So...about 45 minutes into the parade, the rumblings began...the float (which was curiously missing from the lineup the nite before), was snuck in from Del Mar Blvd from the West accompanied by the fuzz. Sneaky sneaky. While some activists attempted to make their way toward the float, they weren't very successful. And while there was brief moments of tension, ultimately, it ended like a bad British drama. The irony of course, the Beijing 2008 float was one of the best of the day--winning the Theme Trophy (this year's parade theme was "Passport to the World's Celebrations"), complete with acrobats, dancers, some incredibly colorful costumes, and fireworks! Celebrate. Good times. Come on. What's not to like?

From yahoo:

The float is sanctioned by the Beijing Olympic Organizing Committee but is sponsored by the Roundtable of Southern California Chinese-American Organizations and Pasadena-based label maker Avery Dennison Corp. It will feature the upcoming Olympics' five official mascots rotating on a base and decorated with a combination of flowers, including carnations and daisy petals.

Other activists at the Rose Parade included KUCINICH supporters with IMPEACH banners, Ron Paul supporters and even RON PAUL 2008 visible across the sky. But my favorite signs came from our Christian fundamentalist friends--their biggest one read, ASK ME WHY YOU DESERVE HELL! Sadly, I didn't get a chance to ask.

Another minor issue--public funding for the floats...no public funds were used for the various City of Los Angeles floats--seems our previous mayor took some heat for using public funds for such events in the past. Our current ubiquitous smiling mayor rode atop the Port of L.A. float along with 4 other floats designed as boats/ships. Now if we can just get him/city council to stop financing large developers with city subsidies, loans and tax rebates.

I wondered to myself...

2007 Rewind (Part Un)

2007-12-31T02:08:00.000-08:00

My favorite Youtube video of the year. Salsa dancers, Reynaldo Ojeda and Claudia Lopez from Bogotá, Colombia.

Alma Salsera

Seriously, what are you doing with your life? Now do it on one leg.

Onto the 50 Most Loathsome People in America by some rather Beastly people...finally an end of year list I can agree with. Well, mostly, as I would have added a certain genocidal maniac to the list.

Biggest disappointment for the year. It was bound to happen sooner or later. My favorite 2008 Presidential candidate drops the ball big time a new campaign ad which panders to the worst reactionary elements on the Right (just days before the Iowa caucus). Et tu Dr. Paul? Por que? Now who the hell am I supposed to support? Guess I'll have to wait for the Green Party candidate...I'm sure we'll find sometime late in July 2008 at some budget motel conference room in Stockton.

My favorite local media moment(s) of the year. Captures the absolute vacuous nature of local television news. About ten seconds during a half-hour newscast is set aside for some local area soldier serving overseas to introduce him/herself and give the proverbial shout out to some back home. So, some Pvt. Guerrero introduces himself and sends his wishes to family (awww). The on-screen graphic below simply read "The Middle East". Wow. How hard would have been for the "professional journalists" at the network to find out where he was? I would have used "A Bad Place" myself.

Where could he have been?

My favorite book of 2007. Um..didn't read a new book in 2007.

My favorite record of 2007. Um...another shit year for new music...what the hell did I listen to all year? Favorite single--Bat For Lashes / What's a girl to do. Most overrated--JUSTICE--the sound of "new" French electro, I don't get it. After seeing JUSTICE live a few months back, I kept thinking, what on earth are these kids so excited about?! Chain smoking, giant crucifix proppin', French poseurs! Here...listen to the Chemical Bros. circa 1995. The Bros. have already worked it out.

My favorite films of the year. Given I only saw 4-5 new films on the big screen this year...Sean Penn's Into The Wild (based on Jon Krakauer's book) about Chris McCandless' journey across the country and his unfortunate death in Denali National Park, Alaska was memorable. Though the film did become a bit tedious toward the end...my 2nd favorite, Control by Anton Corbijn about the life/death of Ian Curtis of Joy Division. Visually stunning, moody, wordy and some very good acting. Cheers!

My favorite politician of 2007. Who else, Mahmoud Ahamdinejad. The man has his own blog for Intelligent Designer's sake.

Onto the bad Peter Parker. Spider-Man 3. Finally saw it on video a few weeks back (library loan of course). First appearance of Venom (Amazing Spider-Man 300 for those of you who still live with mother). In a shell filled with far too many nutty plot lines and characters --A dark alien substance crashes into earth. Attaches itself to Peter. The transformation begins as Peter goes dark--sort of. The substance completely attaches itself to Peter as he lay in bed, but only notices that his suit has is completely dark atop a high-rise building window. Spider-Man feels the awesome power of this new look. But I'm getting ahead of myself...after fighting/defeating his Goblin friend (Harry) for the 400th time, Yuppie Goblin bumps head and like many a soap opera gets amnesia and forgets everything--for the time being. Then a startling discovery, the real killer of the Big Kahuna, wasn't that one geezer but rather a burly bloke in fabulous striped green tee shirt named Flint Marko (who, not unlike Notorious B.I.G. was just trying to make some money to feed his daughter or something). Flint escapes prison and falls into some kind of advanced research corn/veggie testing silo and turns into an Arab--the Sandman rather. Before I forget, someone is crying in every single frame of the film. And as one reviewer quipped, I felt as though I need a hug after the film. Okay here we go...this is all from memory, so try to follow along. So Spidey fights Sandman--avenges Uncle Ben. Leaves him for dead. Gloats to Aunt May that Uncle Ben's killer is dead! She reckons he's a neo-conservative or something to that effect. Takes small sample of the dark substance to his professor friend. Peter wallows in the accolades and becomes one vain Spider dude. Kisses Gwen Stacy his lab partner at school (Amazing Spider-Man #31 for those who live in your sister's basements) at a grand public ceremony honoring him--much to the displeasure of Mary Jane. Relationship troubles. Mary Jane loses her acting/singing/theatre gig. Aunt May gives Peter her wedding ring. Peter sets up a delightful dinner (complete with phony French maitre d) at restaurant to propose. Mary Jane cries. Peter cries. Unable to reach Peter (as he is never there for her), find a empathetic ear in Harry the Yuppie Goblin, arrives at his home where they share an omelet and a kiss. Harry is a brilliant painter and chef apparently. Guilt filled Mary Jane rushes out of the place. Harry regains memory. Schemes to destroy Peter/Mary Jane's relationship. Succeeds. Peter cries. Mary Jane tells him that she's found someone else. Harry meets Peter at coffee shop to break the new that he's the other guy. Peter, like Luke Skywalker before him, exclaims, It's impossible! Harry grins then disappears like the bogey-man. Then that Gopher guy from some 70's Show arrives and schemes to land the staff photographer gig at the Daily Bugle. Succeeds only after producing a phony photo of Spider-Man escaping with a sack of cash. Peter exacts his revenge and exposes Eddie Brock as a kind of Chalabi fraudster he is. J.Jameson swiftly fires Eddie and is humiliated at his own hiring party. At this point Peter's journey to disillusionment is complete and allows the dark nature of to take over--his mannerisms/appearance is altered--for the bad. Really bad. Fights the Yuppie and literally blows him up and leaves him for deaf. Not deaf. Death! He pulls his hair down over his forehead (goes for the unkempt tough-guy look), buys a dark suit, then proceeds to disco dance down Broadway like an asshole. But the rank assholery doesn't end there, oh no...it gets worse--he gets the slightly retarded anorexic Russian immigrant girl to feed him freshly baked cookies while Dr. Connors relays the dangers of the dark substance. Now if that wasn't bad, get this. He takes Gwen Stacy out to this happening Jazz club (daddy-O), where there are all sorts of colored people mulling about. It's also where his ex-troll, Mary Jane is working for tips. He then proceeds to show off his piano playing prowess while Mary Jane sings (startled she was), then swing dances the doors off the place. Here is the major climax in the film, as the scene ends with Peter kicking everyone's ass in the place and knocking Mary Jane down to the floor. More crying. Geez, this review is as convoluted as the film itself. So Peter now realizes that his dark side has gotten the best of him...after choosing to don the dark suit--which is one of the underlying morals of the story--free will or something. In any case, he now has to fight the darkness, which he manages to do atop a cathedral. All the while Eddie Brock--now an unemployed drunken mess watches from below. The epic struggle (with himself) ends as the darkness is pulled off. The dark substance free falls and lands on Eddie who is then transformed into the monstrous Venom. The Sandman (left for dead so we thought), comes back with vengeance now. Rage filled Venom filled seeks out Sandman, forms a kind of alliance to squash the spider, kidnaps the troll and so the stage is set for the final battle. Mary Jane, bound and dangling oh-so-dangerously high above the city, inside a yellow taxi (trap set by the badies)...epic fight commences. Spider-Man is literally being pounded by the Arabs fists when lo! Behold! Another plot twist,Yuppie Goblin (scarred but not dead it turns out), appears to help save the day. Hooray! Spidey and Harry team up and you guessed it, win! So in the third installment of Spider-Man, everyone from the first two films it seems makes an appearance (dead or alive). A re-hashing of the Uncle Ben storyline, the Osborn storyline (Avenge me!), and even more with great power comes great responsibility morality. While not a complete mess, hearing Mary Jane sing (her own voice) two full songs damn near pushed me over all kinds of edges. sharp jagged ones. And Spidey's inner struggle storyline was about as genuine as the SDC...more on the SDC later.

Au revoir 2007!

Final Thought. Aren't we about due for a new UFO craze? Every decade or so it seems...2008 should be the year. Dennis Kucinich should start it. I like Dennis. His pockets are like treasure troves...a pocket constitution? What are we supposed to to with that?

More Patriotic Than A Filipino American!

2007-12-06T00:02:00.000-08:00

From IH8Mud.com forums:

The Leatherman Monarch is available at the PDX airport area Costco, it says it is 145 lumen, and is a Cree LED, it is packaged so you can turn it on and view it's light output at the store. It is pretty bright, but can't tell much in the brightly lit store. My wife was with me, and after buying 2 flashlights (Rayovac and Task Force Crees) in the last couple weeks, she put the foot down on buying another. She thinks I'm crazy. But it would be nice to have a smaller form factor light like the 3@ AAA-cell Leatherman, with the same output as my 2@ C-cell, and 3@ C-cell Crees.

There comes a time in a man's life when serious introspection and self examination leads him to a kind of acceptance--a realization of what a famous White man referred to as, being a total dork. It's official. I submit. I've recently discovered that there are others out there--an entire community of enthusiasts (addicts) who share my unhealthy obsession with flashlights, lanterns, headlamps, and various manner of bright lights! L.E.D.'s are all the rage. I purchased the Leatherman Moncarh 500 last week. It's like really bright and stuff. I sleep with it. That makes somewhere around 30...but who is counting? Entire flashlight messages boards for/by lightheads. Some of the finest people around I reckon. We aren't collecting stamps for my God's sakes! Stamps are utterly useless! What kinda freak still collects stamps? At least we aren't wearing costumes (think Star Trek). Not in public anyway. No, flashlights come in handy. Just wait 'til the next disaster--natural or otherwise, we'll see who has the last laugh. Ha.

Concluding with Fellini (Live Blogging with Ray Bradbury)

2007-12-01T19:47:00.000-08:00

Fellini to Ray Bradbury: "My twin! My twin"

Applause. Q&A? No. I'm out. Was hoping to be out quick-like...ended up cleaning up/arranging the tables/chairs/etc...such a wonderful guy I is.

Ray Bradbury. Good Man.

Wrapping Up (Live Blogging with Ray Bradbury)

2007-12-01T19:38:00.000-08:00

Wrote 40 plays. Never made a dime on them Ray claims. 17min left on the laptop...strange, did i read it wrong?! Yep, I'm losing it. Ray's inspired me to change my name to Bugenhagen and become a poet. Either that or Richard Shiner. Richard Shiner's Guide To The Galaxy. So Studs Terkel is like 95 years old. I heard him on the radio a couple weeks back--now there's a man I'd like to meet. He was as sharp, witty and humble. Ray is I believe like 87 years old. Studs is an awesome name. It's 7:45pm. I've got 10min left on the laptop. I'll conclude when I get home--maybe.

Is That Cheese? (Live Blogging with Ray Bradbury)

2007-12-01T19:03:00.000-08:00

Applause. Ray has begun speaking. Begins by praising the public library. "The library was my university...graduated from the library when I was 28." I can hear Ray but I cannot see him. Screenplays. Motion Pictures. Playwright. Gene Kelly. Hollywood. Musicals. Libraries. Hybrid. Double Day. Martian Chronicles. Short stories. Haven't I heard all this before?! These grapes are good though. I didn't touch the cheese.

In quotes (so far):

"Everything in life must be love."

"Everything he makes is so negative--you leave the film wanting to slit your wrists. To hell with him (Martin Scorsese).

"I loved (watching) Hunchback of Notre Dame--I became a Hunchback."

"Behold Herman Melville--but look quick, he's gonna be gone quick" (to John Houston after completing the screenplay for Moby Dick).

"I'm a playwright!"

Ray's been speaking for over 25 minutes now...i've got about 10 minutes left of battery life. Gonna hang for a little while longer...

The Scene (Live Blogging with Ray Bradbury)

2007-12-01T18:48:00.000-08:00

I can see the backside of Ray's driver/handler/security (it appears), along with two rather large Public Safety Officers and about 30 or so people waiting to get Ray to sign their (or is it they're) books. There is talented transient playing the harmonica on our back steps on the side of the building. He's actually quite good. A gentlemen just handed Ray a piece of his own original artwork as a gift--Ray seemed pleased. I just noticed, Ray's eating his dinner as he meets/signs. Looks tasty. Once he gets up to give the lecture (which appears like it won't begin and time soon as 7pm is quickly approaching), I'm gonna grab some of his grapes and crackers. Bradbury books are selling like thinks that sell well or something. It's a cool crisp evening. I've got my fleece on. And I'm hungry. Why couldn't Gore Vidal be here?! "It's time to lecture isn't it?" Everyone is heading out into the main room now. I've got my eye on his plate...

Signing Time. (Live Blogging with Ray Bradbury)

2007-12-01T18:37:00.000-08:00

"I'll go on at Seven, when I'm done with this! Too early to start lecturing. They're are people still coming!" I dont' know if Ray knows just how loud he is, as he is slightly hearing impaired. He was supposed to begin speaking at 6:30pm, it's now 6:38, Ray is still meeting/greeting/signing books. He seems to be in a good mood. I remember last time, it was obvious he was disappointed at the turnout. This time the Friends actually promoted the event!

Last time I did this, I reckon I was new to this whole blogging thing--was all a pretty novel idea to me...just having fun with it...so i'll try to be a bit more coherent this time! Hell, I can always edit later ;)

All Those People! (Live Blogging with Ray Bradbury)

2007-12-01T18:16:00.000-08:00

"They're waiting for me. All those people!" Ray Bradbury just proclaimed. Has it really been over a year? Que lastima! Cup half empty. Am I really still a Bookstamper? I feel crummy. Been under the weather for a past few days...dunno why I'm still here. I've got some outstanding issues with the good people at Blogger (more on that later--why I haven't posted in some time). Doors are opening. Ray Bradbury is sitting in front of the circulation desk--in his wheelchair, behind a circular desk. Stacks of (his) books by his sides. They've just opened the door. Seems less lively than the last time. About a hundred people have just entered--finding seats. Lack of parking seems to be on everyone's mind. The Friends of The Library once again are the sponsors of the event. It's picture time with Ray. Laptop battery don't fail me now...watched the original Omen and Damien Omen II late last nite and was totally freaked out. I couldn't believe how freaked out I was. I've seen the film dozens of times...I'm thinking about changing my name to Bugenhagen. I'm gonna name my firstborn child Bugenhagen.

Worlds Greatest Book (Pamphlet) Title. (Part Deux)

2007-09-16T23:27:00.000-07:00

Move over San Jose: City With A Past or Kind of Kabab! I just came across this, via recent GNN blog entry by one Harold H. Thompson, written from inside a Tennessee prison--while serving life-plus sentence, on the virtue of shutting the fu*k up.

More Pointless Research

2007-09-13T00:27:00.000-07:00

Top 3 recent (utterly vacuous) research "findings". Who funds this stuff? Give me the money. I could totally take a research grant to prove the obvious. But I wouldn't, I would do serious research...I'd figure out why ghetto-ass people are always on the phone or always in a rush or why they speed in parking lots or why their stories ("drama") always involve some petty cash dispute or "someone getting fu*#ed up." That fool got fu*ked up! We were gonna fu*k some fool up last night! Or why fratboy stories are all the same--always about being wasted someplace. Dude we were so wasted! Dude, we were partying in Cabo over the break, we were so fu*ked up! We totally trashed the motel room! Or worse--why the Seinfeld-like yuppie stories ("drama") always involve getting bad service someplace. Complete with a (peculiarly) heightened sense of victimization. The girl who did my nails was totally inept. Oh my God, the hostess at the restaurant was such a bitch. The Soup Nazi fu*ked me! Then there's real drama in the world. But I digress, some researchers at some institute/university someplace receive grants to prove the obvious (or is that disprove the unobvious?).

Like this one from the good people at Aberdeen, who published in the American Journal of Clinical Nutrition recently (via BBC):

People often choose partners with similar body fatness to their own, according to new research.
The Aberdeen study involving 42 couples said people often married within their own social class as well as taking looks, height and race into account.
However, they have now found those with about the same amount of fat are likely to be attracted to each other.

Or this one about how price does not deter smoking:

Raising the price of cigarettes does not appear to deter current smokers from lighting up, research suggests.

"People who are still smoking are probably selectively those who are more addicted, so they are less likely to quit smoking if the price of their habit increases," Dr. Peter Franks, of University of California-Davis in Sacramento, told Reuters Health.

And finally this:

Girly Men are perfect partners, say Women

Women searching for the perfect partner avoid macho men in favour of feminine-looking types whom they see as more committed and better parents, research has found.
Men with masculine features, such as a square jaw, larger nose or smaller eyes were perceived to be less faithful, more detached and worse fathers. Those with fuller lips and wide eyes were seen as being more caring, nurturing and less likely to stray.

Psychologists from Durham and St Andrews Universities asked more than 400 people to look at pictures of male faces that were digitally altered to look more masculine or feminine. They were then asked to predict personality traits, such as sexual behaviour and parenting skills, based on the images.
The results, published in the journal Personality and Individual Differences, revealed that as well as preferring more feminine faces, participants chose healthier ones - such as those with better complexions - as more representative of positive traits, while older faces were preferred over younger ones.
And they could answer some questions when it comes to celebrity pairings. The jazz singer Michael Buble's round cheeks and eyes may indicate that his girlfriend, the Devil Wears Prada actress Emily Blunt, is looking to settle down. The actress Gwyneth Paltrow's choice of the scruffy Coldplay singer Chris Martin could be explained by his big blue eyes and bee-stung lips.
The chef Jamie Oliver's button nose and baby face may show that his wife, Jools, was spot on when she chose to start a family with him - not only does he seem a model father but he has also taken charge of the eating habits of others' children as well.

The lead author, Dr Lynda Boothroyd, a Durham University psychology lecturer, said: "This research shows a high amount of agreement between women about what they see, personality wise, when asked to 'judge a book by its cover'.

Let us not rush to discount the relevant and potentially life saving research being conducted by serious professionals today however. Recently, researchers discovered:

Exercise unleashes a bounce bras can't handle
Breasts fly up and down a distance of up to 8 inches, study says

Whether women are said to be flat-chested or big-busted, ordinary bras fall short when it comes to supporting bouncing breasts, a new study claims.

And during exercise, women's breasts bounce more than previously estimated, moving a vertical distance of up to around eight inches compared with a past maximum measurement of six inches.

The bouncing, in some cases with breasts weighing 20 pounds or more, can prove painful and damaging to the limited natural support system.While brassieres have evolved throughout history from body-binding corsets to cleavage-enhancing "miracle" bras, only recently have researchers injected a dose of science into the design of undergarments that go beyond conferring a more "perky" look, the researcher says.

"It is only recently that bra design has turned to science," said study author Joanna Scurr, a biomechanics professor at the University of Portsmouth in England. "There was no research. It’s like designing a car or kitchen equipment without first thinking 'what is the purpose of this?'"

Scurr will present her research this week at an annual meeting for the British Association of Sport and Exercise Sciences in Bath.

Breast biomechanics
Scurr recruited 70 women, including students and faculty from the University of Portsmouth, with bra sizes ranging from A-cup to extra-large (DD, E, FF, G, H, HH, J and JJ were included).

Each woman walked, jogged and ran while wearing different bra types. During the exercise, Scurr took biomechanical measurements, including the amount of breast movement in three directions: up-and-down, side-to-side and in-and-out.

During walking exercise, the women's breasts moved relatively the same amount in all directions. But when participants sped up to a jog or run, their breasts moved proportionally more in some directions than others: More than 50 percent of the total movement was in the up-down direction, 22 percent side-to-side and 27 percent in-and-out.

Indeed these are exciting times in the field of Breast Biomechanics.

Special Comment

A final thought. In what I like to call my--Who's Looking Out For You segment.

Parking lot speeders--worst bunch of assholes on the planet. Really there is no one worse. Even terrorists are principled. Parking lot speeders have no redeeming qualities.

Good night and good day.

Quote of the day

2007-08-16T00:25:00.000-07:00

"(James) Bond is an imperialist and a misogynist who kills people and laughs about it, and drinks Martinis and cracks jokes....Bourne is a serial monogamist whose girlfriend is dead and he does nothing but think about her"

--Matt Damon

Lyrically Speaking. Part Un.

2007-08-15T00:39:00.000-07:00

Just plain bad and/or bizzaro lyrics. Some of my favorite tunes make no sense! This will be an ongoing feature on the blog starting, well now. Stupid Lyrics (or lyrics that make sense only to those who don't actually listen to lyrics).

Air Supply - Even The Nights Are Better

Even the nights are better
Now that we're here together
Even the nights are better
Since I found you, oh

No shit the nights would be better. Now if he had said, Even Tuesday mornings at the library are better--that shit would have real meaning for me and made sense.

Positive K - I Gotta Man

I got a man

I'm not tryin to hear that

Now you can persist to play Don Juan all day
But ain't nothin gonna change

Yeah baby, sure you're right
I'ma break it down and do whatever I gots to do
I tell you know, I got eyes for you

You got eyes, but they not for me
You better use them for what they for and that's to see

You know what's the problem, ya not used to learnin
I'm Big Daddy Longstroke, and your man's Pee Wee Herman

I got a question to ask you troop
Are you a chef, cause you keep feedin' me soup

You know what they say about those who sweat thyself
You might find yourself, by yourself
I'm not waitin because I'm no waiter
So when I blow up, don't try to kick it to me later

All them girls must got you gassed

A-when they see a good thing they don't let it pass

Well that's OK, cause see if that's their plan
Cause for me, I already got a man

What's your man got to do with me?

I got a man

I'm not tryin to hear that see

I got a man

What's your man got to do with me?

I got a man

I'm not tryin to hear that
What am I, some crab inmate
that just came home from jail sweatin you for a date?
I don't want no beef, I just wants to get together

But how you talkin, pssssh, whatevah!

We can't have nothin

It all depends
Well if we can't be lovers than we can't be friends

Well then I guess it's nothing

Well hey I think you're bluffing

Well I'ma call my man

Well I can get raggamuffin
Ya better catch a flashback remember I'm not crabbin it
You know my style, from I'm Not Havin It

All I remember's an excuse me miss
You can't get a guy like me with a line like this

Well look I'll treat you good

My man treats me better

I talk sweet on the phone

My man writes love letters

I'll tell you that I want you, and tell you that I care

My man says the same except he's sincere

Well I'm clean cut and dapper, that's what I'm about

My man buys me things and he takes me out

Well you can keep your man, cause I don't go that route

Don't you know yu haffa respeck me

There's a lot of girls out there who won't say no

You're out for mami with your DJ Money

Boom batter my pockets is gettin fatter
I wanna turn you on and excite you
Let me know the spot on your body and I bite you
So when your man don't treat you like he used to
I kick in like a turbo booster
You want lovin you don't have to ask when
Your man's a headache, I'll be your aspirin
All confusion, you know I'll solve em

I got a man

You got a what?
How long you had that problem?

For those unfamiliar with this hip hop classic, it's about trying to pick up a girl (say, at a club--or as my ghetto friends would say--holla at a bitch, kid). Theres a back and forth/a tit-for-tat/ping for pong going on between Mr. K and a female vocalist (in italics representing all those kind girls who turn a brother down). So after spending countless verses on trying to pick up on a girl--building a brother up, braggin' about how well he'd treat her and all that jazz (jazz? who still says that? A person who uses the word dapper, that's who), she tells him that her man buys her things and takes her out. To which he replies, you can keep your man cause I don't go that route. He then continues to try to pick up on this girl. Geez.

How long you had that problem?

Turning 60

2007-08-14T23:42:00.000-07:00

Courtesy BBC News

"There can be no question of coercing any large areas in which one community has a majority to live against their will under a government in which another community has a majority. And the only alternative to coercion is partition."

--Viceroy of British India, Lord Mountbatten

National newspapers' across Pakistan paint a rather depressing picture.

THE NEWS

Though a solid 60 years old today, many of its citizens would say unequivocally that the country has not been able to achieve what its founders had in mind for it. Issues of identity, religion and faith have yet to be settled, and have probably only been made worse by a spate of rulers who tried to push religion and ideology in order to legitimise their own illegal rule.

THE NATION

The anniversary reminds one that the country has failed to achieve any of the ideals enunciated by its founding fathers. Quaid-e Azam Mohammad Ali Jinnah wanted the new country to be a modern and pluralist Islamic democratic welfare state.

NAWA-I-WAQT

Today on the 60th Independence Day of the country we should seriously analyse why we failed to achieve the targets set for us by Quaid-e Azam and Allama Iqbal. Today we should all have to carry out self-accountability and compensate for our mistakes. Otherwise, we will lose our real goal forever.

THE DAWN

To say that we have achieved nothing over these six decades is to deny the truth. True, we have made blunder after blunder, committed terrible crimes against our own people, and in the process lost half the country in 1971. Yet the record is not all that bleak. When all is said and done, there has been progress, though, admittedly, the rate could have been faster.

ISLAM

We are celebrating the 60th anniversary of independence at a time when the country is passing through political uncertainty and a chaotic situation. Unfortunately, we are still indecisive about the system and goals of our country. The need of the hour is that we... transform the country into a real Islamic and welfare state.

DAILY TIMES

What is worrying is the pattern of instability that Pakistan has followed since its creation. The 60 years we have lived give evidence of the fact that governments have lacked legitimacy one way or another and the army has dictated terms on "national issues" it didn't want the politicians to touch.

AUSAF

If we look back at the past 60 years, we will see the instability of the democratic system as our major failure. This is the root cause of the tough challenges we are facing today... The time has come for our rulers to think maturely and take decisions for the betterment of the country and nation. Remember that no person is indispensable.

JANG

On this historically important day we demand that all the politicians, religious scholars and technocrats sit together and steer the country out of these complicated crises... All Pakistanis should unite over the common interests of Pakistan.

From BBC: Indian Independence Pictures

As partition looms, illustrator EH Shepard (of Winnie the Pooh fame) depicts the mainly Hindu Congress organisation and the Muslim League as two elephants ignoring each other in a 1946 cartoon for Punch. All images courtesy of the British Library.

This 1928 poster condemns the Simon Commission sent by London to look at India's future because it had no Indian members.

This poster shows non-cooperating Indians sitting in a tree as a soldier tries to shake them out and Mahatma Gandhi sits by serenely.

From the 1920s, Congress advocated the boycotting of British goods and the embrace of Swadeshi - the promotion of Indian products and traditional technologies.

This Congress poster depicts India as an old man having to choose from three paths: co-operation with the imperial government, violence and peaceful non-cooperation.

Reality.

2007-07-26T01:31:00.000-07:00

Ahh...sweet relationships...this is reality. I actually know who these people are. Frightening.

30 Cups. Never enough.

Swing.

2007-07-25T23:24:00.000-07:00

Alfie.

Gilda. I look on an evening with just one bird as only half the menu...matter of fact, what I like is to have three women--I don't mean all there at once, but all three on tap. And I like a bit of variety in them: one thin, one fat and one medium, or say, one very young, one a bit older and another in between. You'll find with three like that you'll get the most of your needs satisfied. Mind you, I never like to go straight from one bird to another without a break in between, I find I need a bit of a change, a bit of a talk with a few mates, so I nipped into a pub where I knew one or two of my mates hang out. I don't like making fixed arrangements with anybody--I like to live in a casual come -and-go-style.

Late nite music chemistry

2007-07-18T22:53:00.000-07:00

My favorite from Our Love To Admire. One part Pixies, one part Zeppelin and Ozzy-like vocals. Nice.

Interpol - Rest My Chemistry

Just a rage and three kinds of yes.

Edukation. (Circa 1913)

2007-07-17T23:35:00.000-07:00

Donations. We receive literally thousands of books and other materials a year. In fact over 20% of our collection at the branch is from patron donations. Sorting through the boxes/bags can sometimes be drag, but many a gem has been discovered. Today something special (even more special than the Kind of Kabob cookbook from a few months back) caught my eye (the lazy one). An absolute gem!

Excerpts from A Manual of Sex Hygiene (1914) by Winfield Scott Hall Ph.D (M.D.) & Jeannette Winter Hall (Biologist, Teacher and Mother):

From the Introduction:

It not infrequently happens that one unclean child will contaminate a whole neighborhood of clean-minded children before the parents discover the condition.

Further into the Introduction (superficially profound with not-so-subtle racist overtones or is that undertones?):

We find that our race emerged from a condition known as Primeval Man into a condition somewhat advance above that, known as Savagery. Our race was in the condition of Savagery from about six or seven thousand years ago (!) to four thousand years ago. Savages are fetish-worshiping, raft-sailing, cave-dwelling children of Nature.

From about Four thousand years ago to about one thousand years ago our ancestors lived in the forests of central Europe and southeastern Europe, and were in the age of Barbarism. This age is characterized as crude and cruel, rough and ready, venal and vulgar, blundering and blustering Barbarism. In their age of Barbarism they lived in tents if they were nomadic, in rude dwellings of stone and log if not nomadic. They were developing the industries concerned in the making of implements of war and the chase, of fabrics of apparel, and of various conveniences about the home. It was the age of war and the chase. It was an age of hero worship. Woman was a chattel; affection and consideration for the woman was no known.

From this age of Barbarism our race emerged into Chivalry over a thousand years ago. The age of Chivalry was at its height about five hundred years ago and merged by imperceptible gradation into our present system. In the age of Chivalry society as we know it came into being. The shackles were stricken from a woman, and she came into her present high estate.

Of course in 1913, if your point of reference for women's rights is the age of barbarism, no doubt women were indeed in high estate.

Onto an actual conversation (okay, a theoretical one between a mother and daughter):

"Why, Mother, the ovaries of a girl then are sacred to her womanhood, aren't they?"

"Yes, daughter, and that is why Mother has told you this story of womanhood, so you would always have that attitude toward this part of your body. The sex apparatus of a girl is, as you say, sacred to her womanhood. And do you see, daughter, that when a girl comes to have this feeling toward her sex apparatus, as she surely will have once she once understands the plan her Creator for the development of her womanhood, she could never be misled by an older, vulgar-minded girl into habits of touching or even thinking about her sex organs in such a way as to cause irritation or excitation of them."

"Yes, Mother, I understand perfectly, and I can not understand how any girl should ever do such a thing. There are some girls in school who frequently use vulgar language that makes us girls blush with shame. Surely these girls have not had these things explained to them by their mothers, or they would not use such language as they do."

On girls' monthly visitations (rights):

"But, Mamma, does this happen every month?"

"Yes, daughter, every twenty-eight days as a rule. But, daughter, this experience, which is common to all womanking and which may not at first be easy to become adjusted to, is your Creator's preparation of you for future motherhood."

"Why, Mamma, that is very different. You know I want to be a mother some time just as you are. I want some day to have a little baby all my own whose little warm, soft body I can hold close up to me."

"Yes, daughter, Mother wants you to be a daughter some day too. So when this comes to you, this staining of your linen with the first monthly period, if you will come to Mother she will give you further instructions as to just how to take care of yourself."

(1) That she should cleanse her external sex organs each morning and evening with tepid water as near to her blood temperature as possible.
(2) That she should during the three to five days of her monthly period abstain from and strenuous exercise such as dancing, skating, rowing, long cross-country walking, horseback riding, bicycle riding, or anything else that would not be called gentle exercise.
(3) That she should not take a cold bath during those days; and if in summer, of course, not go in swimming at the bathing beach.
(4) That she should carefully avoid getting her feet wet, in fact should take especial car during those days to keep both hand and feet warm and dry
(5) That she should try to cultivate a spirit of happiness and contentment during those days; though she might feel both unhappy and discontented sometimes, she should restrain herself and never permit herself to give expression to any unhappiness, irritation, annoyance or discontent.
(6) Today, daughter, you had better stay at home with Mother.

Mother knows best. You know, I haven't actually finished reading a book in months...I'm completely and utterly fascinating with this one. I am so going to finish this one. Now, if we could just build a time machine and bring me back a girl circa 1913--one who never permit(s) herself to give expression to unhappiness, irritation, annoyance or discontent. I can dream can't I?

Will keep you updated on Sex Hygiene tips circa 1913. Next update will be about entering into Manhood. (I skipped over the entire "Where to babies come" part...too much good stuff in this one!) Surprisingly, there is some information in this Manual that is still quite relevant today, but there's also much in here at us post-post-modern folk would scoff at. Society of scoffers we've become. 1913, must've taken some courage to even publish a book such as this. Top hats off to the authors.

I am so going to be late for work in the AM.

Bach Ke Rehna Re Baba

2007-06-13T00:11:00.001-07:00

"I used to be like you, now look at me--I'm dating two Asian girls."
--David Cross from School For Scoundrels (2006)

On now...Bach Ke Rehna Re Baba (exact translation eludes me), on ARYDI satellite channel (major Urdu language satellite channel--based/uplinked from the UAE--where else?). Bach Ke ("saved") game show is hosted by what appears to be a Chinese girl speaking fluent Urdu. Totally fascinating. She's got the accent and mannerisms down cold. Wow. Just wow. Hopefully they/she gives us a name. The game itself is a mix between the Price Is Right and Nick's Double Dare where contestants (teams of two teens--boy/girl) compete for cash prizes...roll giant dice on then perform all sorts of not-so-challenging games. The show is god awful, but I'm totally fascinated by the chupti host.

Sophia Chee is her name and she just signed off with Allah-Hafiz. Amazing. I don't watch much television, but all this Urdu language programming is bringing me back to my roots...okay, so my roots are grounded squarely in the mean streets of the San Fernando Valley (like, yea), but never underestimate the power of false pride!

Sophia Chee

Late nite music with oysters and dry lancers...

2007-06-12T22:25:00.001-07:00

What college music sounds like. These guys surely didn't drop out of art school.

Pavement - Shady Lane (1997)

It's everybody's God.

Late nite poetry...that works!

2007-06-12T21:43:00.000-07:00

Poetry ala Frank Tovey aka Fad Gadget on being coy.

Coitus Interruptus

Coitus interruptus
I digress, I've tried again
All this love sick repetition
I confess, I lied again

Coitus interruptus
Emission impossible
Catch this blood clot in a vacuum
Get your cheap thrills
I'll do it my way

The boys sleep with girl
The boys sleep with boy
Never find that high
Never acting coy
Never acting coy

What would you do for Rs1000?

2007-06-06T22:14:00.000-07:00

Just finished watching a show called Living On The Edge (theme song by Aerosmith, who else?) on The Musik satellite channel. Touted as the first Indo-Pak dare (as in I double dare you paki) show. A kind of desi Fear Factor sans production value or budget. I came into it a bit late, but the dare apparently was to eat tablespoons of red chili powder. The record was 12 tablespoons. The poor girl ate 9 and couldn't go any longer. Then they had a miserable drawn out interview with the pagal larki who took on the challenge. For...get this 1000Rs. Rupees my Western friends. PKR.

1000 PKR = $16.5027 USD

I would pay the poor girl 2000Rs to stop. The girl said something about wanting to break to record, as some kind of nationalist pride or something. I think I heard that correctly, national pride. I laughed when I heard it, but now as I write this, I'm thinking...getting into the Guinness Book of World Records--a first for a Pakistani woman. For...swallowing spoonfuls of chili powder. Thomas Friedman would be proud. The World. Flat indeed.

Conspiracy Update: The South Asian/Pakistani satellite package from Disk Network comes with a couple bonus channels. One of which is the new PNTG Channel. Hey! Freedom Journal Iraq is on...we're winning! Yea!

Quote of the day...

2007-06-06T21:56:00.000-07:00

From the Reporters On The Job (World) column of the Christian Science Monitor (6/6/07):

World Editor David Clark Scott writing, Even US Mideast Friends Worried.

"I have a complaint about the American people," Sheikh Hani Fahs, A Shiite cleric in Beirut who is well known for forging Christian-Muslim dialogue in Lebanon, told Scott [Peterson, Staff Writer] during a long interview.

Until Then, the conversation had focused on the chances of civil war in Lebanon, the Shiite mind-set, and Sheikh Fah's own past close contact with the leader of Iran's 1979 revolution, Ayatollah Khomeini. But peering at Scott through thick glasses, the cleric had something else on his mind, too.

"You [Americans] used to elect presidents who were enemies, but were sane. Now you have become as insane as we are," said Fahs, with more than a hint of sadness.

Terry Du Jour

2007-05-30T01:25:00.000-07:00

Terry Crews singing in White Chicks. I love that song.

Live Blogging: Miss Universe 2007

2007-05-28T22:51:00.000-07:00

I'm thinking it's gonna be an Asian this year...don't know how the judges judge or if they are doing anything at all. Think it is completely bogus/rigged. Think the winner is chosen for completely political...meaning for geo-political reasons...think about the previous years winners...more on this later...okay we're back...

I can see the Dominican Republic contestant in the back...she is hot as hell...please don't show the Donald...ruining the show for me...

Final strut for the 2006 Miss Universe Puerto Rico. Hot.

Ernst & Young gives the final results...no blondes! Now that's refreshing.

4th Runner Up: USA
3rd Runner Up: Korea
2nd Runner Up: Venezuela (clearly disappointed she didn't win--her mannerisms totally give away her sheer disbelief). Come on now..seriously, two words...Hugo. Chavez. You really think we're gonna give it to a woman from Hugo Chavez land?!
1st Runner Up: Brazil (standing next to Miss Japan--like seeing a Woman and a little boy standing next to each other).

Miss Universe 2007: Miss Japan. I can totally see her headlights. I called it! An Asian. I am special too!

No one sings?! What happened to the winners song? Where's the cheesy crooner? This is terrible...totally rushed towards the end...

Live Blogging: Miss Universe 2007

2007-05-28T22:46:00.000-07:00

5 Left. Winner takes all. Oooh...the gigs/perks/gifts for the winner..nice crown/tiara. Japanese designed. Modeling contract. Fancy watch. Swimware. Japanese designer clothes. Hair care products. Denim from YMI. New York Film Academy grant. I'm thinking Asia will win this year...everyone is tired of these hot Latin girls winning every year.

They just turned the music up for Miss USA final strut...interesting...possibly trying to mute out the boos...

The Top 3...after commercial break...I can't wait...anticipation is killing me...

Live Blogging: Miss Universe 2007

2007-05-28T22:31:00.000-07:00

Top 5 have been chosen:

Venezuela
Korea (Honey Lee!)
Brazil
USA (What?! How? Why?!)
Japan

Where is my African Nubian princess?! Boo! In the words of Moog...this is the bullshit of all bullshit! USA should not be in the top 5. Boos from the audience! Hahaha! Viva Mexico.

The Questions: Time to hit the mute button on my remote (haha!)

Venezuela: Dave Navarro is asking question. What the hell kind of question is this? Dave Navarro is pervert! She answered well though...patronizes Mexico. She really believes she's going to win.

Korea: If you could have any type of superpower, what/why? Save the world she reckons. And have a fat wallet or something. She can't speak too well it seems--plus it looks like her mouth is crooked. Boo! She's still cute as hell though.

Brazil: Michelle Kwan asking question. Following your heart or mind? Wow. This woman just oozes sensuality. A little wink & a nod. Futile to resist this Brasiliana. Just plain sexy. Patronizes Mexico. Mmmm...brasilian portugese spoken by this beauty...man I'm weak.

USA: Getting booed! Yes! I love Mexicans! I love this show. Oh shit, that crowd is brutal. God bless us all! Terrible! She couldn't even say Mejiko very well. She shouldn't have made this far anyway.

Japan: That translator is a dweeb. Lifes lessons. Patronizes Mexico. She is dancer she says. Dweeb translator! She did good job.

Real..tough decision for the judges...

Live Blogging: Miss Universe 2007

2007-05-28T22:20:00.000-07:00

Okay...so it's time for the Top 5. The show itself becomes a two hour tourism junket for the host country...not to mention the girl from the host country is guaranteed a top placement. Wow...Viva Mexico! Slater stop trying to speak espanglish you maricon!

NBC Online voters picked...

Miss Philippines as most photogenic. She is cute.

Miss China: Miss Congeniality (I think I heard her say...you nice gentleman...)

Top 5 next. Miss India is a mess this year...don't like her at all..

Live Blogging: Miss Universe 2007

2007-05-28T22:07:00.000-07:00

Mario "Slater" Lopez (world's phoniest Mexican) and the Lachey Filipina are seriously annoying. The girls (contestants) got to visit Chiapas...interesting...Mexico's ultimate playground?! The Evening gown contest is on now...

The Scores:

The Brazilian really fills up that dress...full bodied woman. Voluptuous would be an understatement. 9.599

India: 7.825 (terrible!) She had on a terrible dress/sari and performed one of the lousiest struts I've ever seen--all the while holding up her dress. Blah!
Japan: 8.943 The girl can strut! Great flowing dress and showing tremendous confidence.
Angola: Go Angola! Hot (8.363) Her red dress looked trashy/cheap.
Venezuela: Too much makeup...overly done. 9.510 She really fills up that dress! Voluptuous.
USA: Fell on her ass! Oh My God! Holy Shit. Ha. Ha. 8.754 Bogus score! That's total BS. What is this sympathy points?
Korea: She is cute as hell. I totally feel the need to get a massage. 9.163
Tanzania: Beauty. 8.488 (Boo!) Her dress looked like off-the-rack prom dress. Cheap. Poor strut.
Nicaragua: 7.674 (lowest so far) Dress looks like nightgown.
Mexico: 7.850 (low) Can't understand why she got such a low score??

Live Blogging: Miss Universe 2007

2007-05-28T22:00:00.000-07:00

The Top 10 has been chosen. Go Tanzania! What the hell is Miss USA?! I can't figure out what mix of ethnic nuts she is, it's making me crazy. Oooh, Miss Nicaragua is stunning as well...and she is 5'7", which is like 7" taller than the average woman in Nicaragua. The bikini contest was frustrating...the downfall of Western Civilization....not terrorism, not changing demographics...the fact they don't show ass on television or in film. Ever. Show these women's backside! Why not?! What is wrong with this country....

Live Blogging: Miss Universe 2007

2007-05-28T21:50:00.000-07:00

Live From Mexico. The Miss Universe 2007 Contest. Woo!

The Top 15. How the Top 15 are chosen is a great Miss Universe mystery. In an instant the majority of the 77 contestants are disqualified, practically before the show has even begun. I have my favorites...Miss Tanzania has the most beautiful face I've ever seen--and she is bald--any girl that doesn't hide her face behind big hair is well...special. My other top picks are, Korea, Brazil, and Angola.

Fresh Fish On The Line.

2007-05-26T20:26:00.000-07:00

Two of my favorite people in the whole wide world. Kat Williams & Terry Crews in this hilarious clip from Friday After Next. I love black people. Just for the record, when the revolution comes, I'll be on the side of my black brothers. Right. I will watch any god awful crap film if Terry is in it. All of his roles are memorable--well to me anyway--Cheeseburger Eddy (Longest Yard), Singing Guy in Car (Click), Latrell Spencer (White Chicks), Benchwarmers, and he'll be in the upcoming Get Smart movie with Steve Carrell. I can't wait. I am a Terry Crews fan. The man breakdances. The man raves. The man makes me smile. Greatest actor of our generation so far as I'm concerned.

I'm a nice guy when you get to know me
--OG Triple OG (Damon)

Starting tonight, I will post a new Terry Crews (Terry du Jour) clip every night until I can't find any more clips of him on the YouTube. Here's a sampler montage.

Night Disturbances

2007-05-25T02:28:00.000-07:00

The New Denny's Slamburger:

Our exclusive late night burger is here. We take our juicy burger, add cheesy hash brown casserole, add an egg, cooked to order, top it all with cheese sauce and place it on a sesame seed bun. Served with a heaping side of French Fries.

Denny's.com (Specials)

This will never be part of a nutritiously balanced meal....had this tonight with a side of fries and Denny's Santa Fe ranch dressing. I had been doing so well in recent weeks...working out...eating healthier...don't know why I ordered this tonight. Pity thy arteries. I seriously (no joke) felt sharp pains in my chest after eating this thing. Mild heart attack it must've been. Now if we just removed the bun...the late Dr. Atkins would be proud. I wonder what homeboy cook concocted this...it's like hey, people like has browns, eggs, cheese and burgers! Why not put it all together?! Hey!

`The Best part of the nite was the music playing overhead...heard, the Cure, Altered Images, DM, New Order...one of the ex-homeboys at Denny's must've had an old Richard Blade's flashback favorites CD. Ended the night watching Hostel again in anticipation of part deux. I hears Bijou Phillips is in it. I love Bijou. Wonder if she'll play the trashy girl role...that would be a strech.

Cannes Control

2007-05-23T21:31:00.000-07:00

Continuing the theme of dead icons...I've been scouring the net to find some clips of Anton Corbijn's (iconic photographer/video director) b&w biopic of Ian Curtis (Joy Division), called Control. The official film website doesn't offer much info. Alas, some lovely soul just uploaded the trailer for the film. Once again, thank my God for the YouTube. Ace! Apparently, it has been receiving glowing reviews since its debut at Cannes Film Festival last week. I've been looking forward to seeing this since I heard Anton was directing...but we'll have to wait several more months for the stateside release. Looks..um..dramatic. With Anton Corbijn directing, at least it's guaranteed to be visually stunning. Wonder how it will compare to 24Hour Party People's depiction of Ian....the second clip is a long Dutch interview (subtitled) with Anton that includes several clips from the film. And that's a good thing. So exactly what is Emo?

The Award For Coolest Guy Ever...

2007-05-21T21:46:00.000-07:00

If such an award existed (and why doesn't it?)...goes to...Frank Tovey aka Fad Gadget--anyone who can perform on stage tarred and feathered or covers himself in shaving cream (not for the faint of heart) and have any credibility left is simply remarkable. Like the tale of Robin Hood, unique in literature--in that everyone knows the story but no one has actually read. Fad Gadget, a band I've known of for years, but never really listened to until recently--which is a terrible shame as the guy was amazing! So I'm getting to the party a couple decades late...but thank my God for the YouTube, I can share him with you all. And by all I mean the three people out there that read my blog...I know who you are...thanks.

Surprisingly, very few of the of the post-disco/punk electronic "futurists" dance music new wave exponent "pioneers" survived the 80's. As for Mr. Frank Tovey, I reckon he was either A. Ahead of his time. 2. Too full of himself/took himself too seriously/considered uncool for dropping out of art school. Or C, just didn't give a flying falluja. And in the ironies of ironies, Fad Gadget, after two decades, resurrects his musical career opening up the band that was once his opening act. In a stadium no less.

Watch the montage video below, then tell me if there is anyone cooler than he? Finger biting, hand licking, feathered, raving, stage diving (years ahead of his time), shirt ripping, microphone wire strangling, pogoing, power drilling ball o' synergy...

R.I.P. Frank Tovey.

From Mute UK:

The early eighties saw the emergence of the electronic/dance phenomenon in Europe. At the forefront of this movement were four names: Cabaret Voltaire, The Human League, The Normal, and Fad Gadget (Frank Tovey). Tovey released his first single Back to Nature in 1979 and was the first signing to Daniel Miller's Mute label. Miller (as The Normal) had previously put out his own composition T.V.O.D. c/w Warm Leatherette and was thinking of starting a label when he met Tovey. As Fad Gadget Tovey played solo with a drum machine and synthesizer confusing audiences at the time used to the standard rock format. Now, obviously, the scene is radically different with electronic sounds and beat boxes being the norm.

His name is quoted by Depeche Mode and Erasures Vince Clark as a major inspiration and the influence of Tovey's early experiments in electronic music can be heard in the likes of the Pet Shop Boys, New Order and all the Techno/Dance Bands of the 90s. The main characteristic of Tovey's work that distinguished him from his contempories and his followers was the quality of his lyrics. Not satisfied with singing pseudo science fiction (a la Gary Numan) or crass love songs, Tovey developed a style more akin to Dylan or Lou Reed, his black humour often confusing the punters at the time more interested in style than content.

His songs 'spoke of the diseases and fears poorly hidden from view. They spoke for and against the little man, the ubiquitous civilian bewildered by the speed of events threatening to sweep him up or leave him behind. And they spoke in a variety of voices: dead pan, severe, sardonic, satirical and, finally, disarmingly sincere....' -Biba Kopf '91.

Image wise, Tovey never played the pretty pop singer role preferring to be photographed by Anton Corbin covered from head to toe in shaving foam or tarred and feathered. His stage shows have often been mad acrobatic events. Where most performers remain untouchable he would purposely goad an audience, sometimes somersaulting from the stage (before stage diving became an international sport), like a latter-day cockney version of Iggy Pop his audience passing him around above their heads before depositing him back on the stage and screaming for more.

After four critically acclaimed albums Tovey dropped the Fad Gadget tag and continued to make albums for Mute under his own name. Throughout his career he has influenced and been influenced by many styles, mixing electronics with rock, punk, folk, and dance music. This has inevitably made it hard to pin him down. His last two albums, for instance, featured an electric banjo which he had custom built for Paul Rodden a member of his previous touring band The Pyros. Tovey has continually toured Europe and has over the years built up strong fan base who flock to see his shows never knowing what to expect this time but always leaving stunned by his performance.

The mark of a talented artist is there for all to hear in the ten albums he has created. All challenging musically, all intriguing in their lyrical content. Fad Gadget has recently come out of semi-retirement and done his first performance in six years for Elektrofest 2001 at the Mean Fiddler, London. The eagerly awaited show has left people wanting more. 'It's about time electronic music comes back to something more organic, soulful and powerful, but at the same time meaningful and song orientated.'

Life On The Line - Fad Gadget

Frank was starting to look a lot like Sacha Baron Cohen towards the end however...

Synergy: [noun] a mutually advantageous conjunction of distinct elements.

Minimalism.

2007-05-20T00:46:00.000-07:00

Credit: Unknown

Late nite music with warmth

2007-05-18T23:57:00.000-07:00

Awesome cover of The Normal's (Daniel Miller) Warm Leatherette with Peter Murphy on vocals, Trent Reznor (looking like he's just come back from boot camp) on keyboard/vocals along with Jeordie White and some other bloke in makeshift studio with small audience.

Anticipating The Pirate Shirt Revival

2007-05-18T23:16:00.000-07:00

Two great clips from the 20th Century Box. 1981. London's South End. Depeche Mode. Crocs. Disco Futurism. Pirate Shirts. Wish I could've been there...complicating, circulating, new life.

Dave Gahan and I shared a moment in the backstage dressing room bathroom @ the Warfield in San Francisco a couple years ago...I like that fact that he washed his hands really well.

On Naming Names

2007-05-18T21:25:00.000-07:00

Sarkozy look-alike?

Arturo Sarukhan (Mexican Ambassador to U.S.)

Spending my Friday nite watching C-SPAN with the Mexican ambassador giving speech/q&a at the U.S. Chamber of Commerce on trade, immigration, and security. Now what surprises me is first and foremost, the man's name, then his odd English-Aussie accent. Bizarre. I could be wrong but I don't think Sarukhan is a common Mexican name. Not even among our mestizo friends...So who is this guy? He is former General Consul of Mexico at New York City and more recently, Felipe Calderón's (New Mexican President) Int'l affairs policy coordinator during his campaign.

Mr. Sarukhan on Vicente Fox:

“That you had a Mexican president willing to stake and invest political capital in the relationship with the United States and that he has nothing to show for it puts everyone in a very tight spot in Mexico.”

I'm keepin' a eye on this guy...si se puede.

High speed became go slow...

2007-05-16T23:44:00.000-07:00

Courtesy Todd Roeth ART 256

It's nice to have favorites. I've had one song on repeat in my head for the past 3.4 weeks.

179 seconds of pure bliss. Camera Obscura's Before You Cry. That song is just special. And just whence you think it's over...the most beautiful feminine vocals appear like something that appears when you aren't expecting it to appear. Like the mythical sacred firebird...never mind. Someone find an illegal upload someplace and send me link...Sssh...don't talk.

Before You Cry

No sense no style
I said I loved you for a little while
When you cried no
High speed became go slow
Come back this time
Wishful thinking is going to make you mine
Push turns to shove
I got no more room for love

I hope you hear me
I can’t stand you next to me
Get lost goodbye
I’ll smile before you cry

I love you baby
Please don’t hate me
You’re feeling a little sad tonight but you’ll be alright

The Head Scratcher

2007-05-15T21:33:00.000-07:00

"This is such an amazing idea - I had been looking to purchase a piece of unique art online and this 100% fits the bill."

Teresa Critien, UK

First it was that a-hole who sold celestial bodies in the heavens...then the kid who sold pixels on his single web page...now this...

One Thousand Paintings [1000 Numbers = 1000 Paintings]. I can't believe I'm even giving this guy any more publicity.

One thousand numbers = one thousand paintings. All beautifully painted on canvas (approx. 12 x 12 x 1.5 inches). Each number is unique - the number and the demand define the price. An experiment of art & mathematics, on the web, the first of its kind.

The guy paints a number on a small canvas. Makes tens of thousands of dollars. I can sell my hair off my thighs. Each hair is unique and without doubtization, artistic.

Organic

2007-05-15T21:05:00.000-07:00

Fun little java applet created by some bloke called Sala. Cheers. Simply add your url...press the button and watch the app create a "tree" of your website. Hint: use a simple website (not yahoo!) for a clearer/larger image. Prnt Scrn the image to save. Check out the dedicated Flikr page with several website graphs/trees.

God bless the memory of Eazy E.

A Technology “First” for L.A.

2007-05-14T21:18:00.000-07:00

Sweet, but why does it take over 20min for me to connect to the wireless network at my desk upstairs in the workroom?

LAPL Press Release:

A Technology “First” for L.A.: All City Libraries Now Offer Free Wireless Internet Service (Wi-Fi)

In a technology “first” for Los Angeles, people with laptop computers now have free wireless access to the Internet (“Wi-Fi”) and Web-based library resources at the Los Angeles Public Library’s Central Library and all 71 branches. The Library is the first City department to offer Wi-Fi in all its facilities.

With public demand for the Library’s 2200 computers at an all-time high, the library implemented Wi-Fi to provide greater and more convenient Internet access to the 15 million people who use the library annually.

“Transforming our libraries into Wi-Fi access points revolutionizes our ability to serve people,” says City Librarian Fontayne Holmes. “With Wi-Fi we’re providing computer access to far more people, without incurring the high cost of purchasing and maintaining additional equipment. Best of all, when people use their own laptops, more of our computers are available to patrons who must rely on library equipment for Internet access.”

Outfitting all 72 libraries citywide with Wi-Fi was accomplished without using City money, notes Holmes. Instead, the Library Foundation of Los Angeles, the non-profit organization that supports the Library, raised the necessary funds.

The program began in March 2004 as a pilot project in the Central Library’s Computer Center and was a success with the public. The Library then began an ambitious expansion of the service to all facilities. In Fall 2004, the Los Feliz Branch became the first branch to offer Wi-Fi service.

The Library completed the project by April 2007, with the inauguration of Wi-Fi at the final three branches: Felipe de Neve, Frances Howard Goldwyn-Hollywood Regional and Watts.

The Los Angeles Public Library serves the largest urban population of any library in the country. Its Central Library, 71 branch libraries, six million books and state-of-the-art technology provide everyone with free and easy access to information and the opportunity for life-long learning.

A few years back, the LAPL contracted the private Milwaukee, WI based wireless tech firm Ethostream LLC, (owned today by Telkonet TKO) who mainly provided wireless services for the hospitality industry. I must admit, I don't know much about how the city contracts/outsources such services, or how/why someone in tech infrastructure support decided to go with Ethostream. When you first connect to the library's wireless network, you are re-directed to the Ethostream page where you have to agree to a disclaimer with rules/regulations of the public library. Now I have yet to try the hot spots at any other LAPL branch, but ours is limited to interior of the building...although we occasionally see folks leaning up against our windows/walls outside with laptop in hand. The signal doesn't even reach the parking lot.

From Ethostream press release, Aug. 2005:

EthoStream Expands Library Project

Milwaukee, WI – August 12, 2005 - The growth of WiFi in libraries was expanded today with EthoStream’s installation of the EthoStream Library Solution into the first 10 locations of the Los Angeles Public Libraries. With the Internet becoming a fact of life in more and more daily activities, a high-speed Internet connection is a necessity. The Los Angeles Public Libraries has recognized this and has named EthoStream as its provider of choice for its high-speed Internet access (HSIA).

Los Angeles Public Libraries has chosen EthoStream’s Library Solution for its integrated EthoStream Control Center (ECC). The Control Center will allow Los Angeles Public Libraries management to monitor and report on every aspect of the HSIA installed in the library. The ECC also allows management of the HSIA such as defining hours of activation or bandwidth management.

EthoStream’s Library Solution and integrated Control Center also allows for additional communication services to be added. Such features as Digital Video Recording, IP Video Surveillance and numerous others set the EthoStream Library Solution apart from other products. The Control Center provides the ability to remotely manage all of these features creating greater value and reducing costs for libraries.

More and more organizations are realizing the need for HSIA. Doctor’s offices, restaurants, parks and marinas have all found that customers perceive greater value and greater benefit from locations that allow them to be more efficient. Hotels and gas stations such as Hiltons and Flying J have been able to attract new customers purely through sharing their Internet connection. From business to recreation, people carry a number of devices each day that benefit from this new technology.

James VanGerpen of the Los Angeles Public Libraries states, “EthoStream’s Control Center allows me to be more productive each and every day.” “This is the same reason that more and more libraries choose EthoStream’s Library Solution to provide HSIA to library patrons, “ states EthoStream’s Jason Tienor. “We find that an increasingly large and growing number of libraries wish to add this new benefit and are searching for the most efficient and secure manner of doing so.” EthoStream’s current customers include the Waukesha Federated Library System, the Scottsdale Public Library System, the LA Public Libraries and many more.

The library department's Technology Infrastructure Support budget was less than $21K for 2006. Not so sweet.

Entourage Lament part deux

2007-05-14T21:00:00.000-07:00

They did introduce a light-skinned black girl in the last episode...

From the good people @ LAist:

Last year the "Entourage" film crew spent a Friday in our Variety offices, filming a scene for the show in which Johnny Drama (Kevin Dillon) confronts a Variety reviewer (loosely based on our own Brian Lowry) after getting a bad review. [...] Brian wrote about the whole experience in a Variety column:
Because the glitz-filled "Entourage" has a certain hipster image to uphold, the producers populated the newsroom with extras, ensuring that Fake Variety's staff was more attractive, stylish and younger than Real Variety. A few of us actual journalists observing this alternate reality felt a bit like Woody Allen in "Stardust Memories," wondering how we wound up on the ugly train.
In the scene, Drama -- so vulnerable the possibility of negative reviews causes near-paralysis -- bursts in and berates the critic as a "sad little fat hack fuck." Technically, just two of those adjectives are accurate.

Variety's Fake TV Critic dresses shabbily and wears glasses denoting years of solitary TV viewing (definitely true), eats lunch at his desk (occasionally true), acts unfazed by someone barging in to personally lambaste him (mercifully untrue) and has his own assistant (so untrue the Real Critic is still laughing his ass off)...

Anyway, there's plenty of excitement around Variety about "Entourage's" encore, perhaps because it's so nice to see the place temporarily adorned in prom-night finery -- even if it's as realistic as a newspaper, circa 2007, whose budget provides an assistant for critics.

Entourage Lament (We Got Got.)

2007-05-05T22:30:00.000-07:00

Lloyd (Ari's queen assistant) being the exception, the 3rd season of Entourage has been lackluster to say the least. Lackluster...a word I never use. Why I just used it now I know not. You know how hard it is to converse/relate to old White women all day? Shit, I'm like 4 different mario van peoples in the course of one day. In any case, a few weeks back I says to myself, self--give it a few more weeks before complete bandwagon abandonment. Like my guidance counselor in high school said to me about college--give it four years, if you don't like it you can always find a job. So four episodes into it, I'm totally flabbergasted. Wow, another word I never use. Dumbfounded even. Man, I've been spending way too much time with the old White ladies...What the hell happened to this show? I honestly don't care to watch next weeks episode...okay, I probably will...what the hell else am I going to watch?

To be fair, the show still works on many levels--likeable characters, warmth, humor, and the first two seasons were hella fun (yo), but it seems the shows writers got lazy this season. Even the acting seems un-natural--contrived, as if everyone is trying too hard to play their respective roles. Then I started noticing other things about the show I hadn't really realized in the past...like...continuity for starters, there is very little continuity between one episode and the next. We still don't know how the boys hooked up with their new (ex) agent. Or who the hell she is. And what happened to Vince's publicist?! She disappeared this season, yet her name is in the credits. Our star on the show, Vince does one movie every two years it seems. Some famous Hollywood celebrity he is. The show has become predictable. Why are there so few minorities depicted in the show?! No Latinos, Persians, Koreans, Armenians...this isn't the L.A. I know. How about a light skinned Black girl? Come on now! Or, to be really hip, throw in an Indian extra or two--hell, Indians are in every god forsaken commercial these days. Point: In the last episode, the boys went the track (horse racing) to bet on the ponies--every other booth in the scene was filled with hot girls--blondes--wtf?! I've been to the track, there are no hot girls at the race track. Come on now! Old weird white men and short, chain-smoking, middle-aged Asian men (gambling addicts) is what I see. Hell, it wasn't shot even in L.A., it was filmed at the track/fairgrounds in Del Mar (San Diego). In fact every single scene is filled with young, stylish, sexy hipsters--aah, Los Angeles, I totally want to live there. Why is every other scene on the same two streets in Beverly Hills? Why the hell doesn't Vince work out? He's a total wimp. The plot lines for the shows today are about as thick as Jack and the girls trying to hide a kitten from Mr. Furley in season four of Three's Company. The show has gone way too feminine. Above all, why won't they show ass anymore? Season three = ass free. Entire episodes run like 19minutes. One has to wait like 18 months or something for the next season...hell we've only got like 3 more episodes left of season three--then wait 'til next year for a new episode. Come on now! And no Lloyd in the last two episodes. I digress...like a wise Black man once said, get mad if you want, I won't front, cuz I got a new tape and it's full of funk--wait, that makes absolutely no sense, but it's been in my head all day, and really that is the beauty of having a blog no one reads.

Stop the clocks...

2007-05-05T20:53:00.000-07:00

Once in a millenia...

02hrs : 03min : 04secs : 05month : 06day : 07year

Bring out the pots & pans.

Late nite music to lower thy gaze...

2007-05-02T00:53:00.000-07:00

Camera Obscura - Keep It Clean

To live and drive in L.A.

2007-05-01T21:33:00.000-07:00

So you think you've seen it all? I once tried to convince myself that I had see it all. You haven't. I have. I swear. My black ass saw it with his own dark eyes. Have you ever seen a man on a Lazy-boy recliner/wheel chair "pimped" out speeding down the sidewalk? I have. I swear. My black ass saw it with his own dark eyes. Have you ever seen a man on a Lazy-boy recliner/wheel chair "pimped" out speeding down the sidewalk? I have. So you think you've seen it it all? Nevermind, just look...Burbank, Ca. 630pm. The guy even gave us a thumbs up. As my (non-existent) ghetto friends say: Yo, that shit is pimp. Oh snaps!

Late nite music with slaves...

2007-04-30T03:23:00.000-07:00

Wonder Showzen - Thank You Slaves

Well it's about time someone offered a musical tribute slave labor.

On Life's Lessons

2007-04-28T01:18:00.000-07:00

What I learned in the past 48hrs:

Never Nair your backside (hair tends to be uncomfortably prickly as it grows back).
North Hollywood should now be referred to simply as NOHO. Fo Sho.
Never go to Vegas with a borderline anorexic girl who dresses like a goth whore. Trust me, you don't need the attention.
Brian Molko is pretty...like a girl.
Never play roulette with a shaking, senile, chain-smoking old man in the middle of the night at a third rate casino designed like a castle. He will distract you.
One day in Vegas = 6 days in the real world.
Road rage is real.
Convincing yourself the lunch buffet at Whiskey Petes is good, then proceeding to play 2cent slots is a good indicator of a bad Vegas trip.
Avoid taco places that use only the word meat on their menu without specifying what kind of meat it actually is. And taco burgers aren't really burgers.
Bowling alley clerks are A-holes.
Bikers scare me.
So What is a sorry slogan to live your life by.
People really are friendly in San Francisco.
You just can't find a parking spot in the City. Not even at 1am.
The Fillmore is a great venue for a gig.
Jarvis Cocker is one charming c*!t.
Never buy a concert ticket from the homeless.
You can bribe pretty much any club bouncer/security.
Freeways/Bridges collapse easily in the Bay.
The best South Asian food can be found in the South/East Bay.
The new Nissan Maxima is one comfortable car homey...that gets terrible gas mileage and has the lousiest turning radius.
Sleep is good.

Late nite music...from a simpler era...

2007-04-25T00:15:00.000-07:00

When jerry-curled mohawks ruled...ok, so jerry-curled mohawks never ruled, but this song does. Fo sho.

Stevie B - I Wanna Be The One

What the hell was/is Stevie B? Filipino? Puerto Rican? Brasilian? Belizeano? Black?! Whatever mixed bag of ethnic nuts he is, I love him. Long Live Stevie B.

Somos Pobres Otra Vez. (Proposed 2007-2008 City of L.A. Budget)

2007-04-24T21:58:00.000-07:00

From The City Librarian's Office (Fontayne Holmes) April 20th, 2007--All Staff:

Today, the Mayor released his proposed budget for fiscal year 2007-08. If you read the newspaper, listened to the radio or watched the television coverage, you already know that this will be a difficult fiscal year for the City of Los Angeles.

With less projected revenues and a commitment to decrease the City's structural budget deficit each year, the Mayor's budget includes reductions in most city departments.

The mayor's proposed budget provides funds for the library that will:
Sustain the increase in hours at 24 community branches to meet the system-wide standard of six days, 52 hours per week--this includes 53 FTE positions to support the increased hours. ($2,528,994).
Regularize 7 positions critical to maintaining the library's essential technology infrastructure. ($594,188).
Purchase furniture, equipment and books for the new, larger Exposition Park-Dr. Mary McLeod Bethune Regional Branch. ($766,102).
The Budget represents a small overall Library Department reduction of 0.5% from this year's budget. But it also reduces the Library's materials budget from $11,429,111 to $8,830,111.

The proposed budget now goes to the City Council for its review. During this process I will request the restoration of our materials budget funds.

I will update you as I receive information.

Sincerely,

Fontayne

So...last year, our ubiquitous smiling Mayor and City Council decided that it would be a good idea to keep all branch libraries in the city open longer--an extra 12hrs a week longer. A couple months back I broke down the entire fiscal year budget for 2006-2007....there was an allocation for 53 FTE (Full Time Employees) in that budget and here it is again--I don't understand. We've yet to see 53 new hires in the library department, given the terrible staff shortages...

I haven't had a chance to review the Mayors proposed budget yet and it must get City Council approval before the actual budget is released/printed. But it seems to be another example of short-term planning, or politicizing. Opening the branch libraries (all 64) longer made for good PR but now comes the crunch--as usual.

A reduction of the Library materials budget (Books! Stamps!) from $11,429,111 to $8,830,111

For the mathematically dis-inclined, that's $2,599,000 less than the previous year. I requested a new set of stamps over a year ago--they still haven't arrived/approved. Bookstampers get no love from the city. Luckily for us at our affluent hidden branch, our Friends of The Library organization purchases most of our "luxury" materials, so that we don't have to rely on the city...

I guess when it's the only "socialist" institution in the country, you can't complain too much. Yes. But then again L.A Police Department burns over a billion (yes 1Bn) year after year...and I still see people using the Club on their steering wheels. I mean really, who the hell still uses The Club anymore?

You think like a girl...

2007-04-23T23:10:00.000-07:00

Giuliana DePandi - On-the-town Dater

Aside from all the hot librarian ass I'm knee deep in, one of the perks of being Bookstamper Extraordinare is the nearly unrestricted access to books, cd's, videos, materials, etc. the library system offers. So every new book comes across my desk. Most don't interest me in the least, as I hardly read fiction (although I did pick up Moshin Hamid's Reluctant Fundamentalist this week--just started reading), but for a handful of books that catch my eye (the right one). Yesterday it was E! News Anchor Giuliana DePandi's, Think Like A Guy - How To Get A Guy By Thinking Like One. Someone had requested it from another branch. I've learned one thing and one thing only working at the library--always, for gods sake--always, judge a book by it's cover--it's back cover. Always!

Book Description
Giuliani DePandi has distilled her knowledge as an on-the-town dater in L.A. into this funny but oh-so-practical and effective handbook. DePandi knows what its like out there, and has done extensive field work to learn what turns guys off....and on. Should you...mention your mom on a first date? Cook a guy breakfast after your first sleepover at his place? Tell him how many lovers youve had before he came along? .Leave him long voicemails if you cant reach him on the phone? The resounding answer to all the questions above, according to DePandi, is: NO! You should, in fact, be busy and breezy, offer to pay for dinner, leave short voicemails (and none at all if you dont have anything concrete to say), stay well-dressed and groomed and make your guy feel like hes the first to introduce you to anything kinky in bed. Think Like A Guy isn't The Rules, it's not so much about getting married as making sure rafts of men are always hanging around. Its a hard-headed practical book for women who acknowledge that men and women simply think differently.

From the Back Cover
66 Kick-Ass Tips That Reveal What Goes on in Mr. Right’s Head—And How to Turn that Head Your Way

Giuliana DePandi has made a study of men. She knows what makes them tick. What turns them on. And off. And she’s learned that a sure grasp of how men view women and their behavior is the key to a happy, full and fun dating life. Funny, fast, and full of insight you can use right now, THINK LIKE A GUY acknowledges that men and women simply think differently. Want to know how? Sample five of the sixty-six wise ways to act around men below:

TIP # 6 Don’t Take an Hour to Get Ready
TIP #17 Never, Ever Kiss of the First Date
TIP #18 Words Never to Mention on the First Three Dates (“Soul Mate”, “Destiny”, “My Sister’s Wedding”)
TIP #42 Don’t Try to Break His Bad Habits
TIP #64 Don’t Surprise Him with Short Hair

66 ways to turn that head your way! 66! Sixty-Six! Tip #64: Don't surprise him with short hair. Think like a guy. This list should be just 3 things long. 1. Make sandwich. 2. Don't talk so much. 3. Um...Don't talk so much while wearing a short skirt. Giuliana DePandi is credited as being an on-the-town dater in L.A. Therefore she knows what men want...like Mel Gibson...only she's a she. And being a hot Italiano-Americano probably helps. I do like the way she thinks--accept your man as he is, act all phony and shit. Like the perfect woman. Unfortunately for me, I'm still waiting for any girl to think like my crazy black ass. And I'm not even black. Just not gonna find a girl that's into Geto Boys, Gore Vidal, and Air Supply. Go with me darling, and no late fees. What do you say? Guess I'll keep waiting my for rafts of men, women rather, hanging around...

P.S. I'm still looking for a co-author with a Western sounding name to make a million dollars with. I'll make up a story about a violent militant past. And you provide a Western sounding name for legitimacy. One Million Dollars.

When is this going to end?

2007-04-23T00:51:00.000-07:00

It's now past 1AM and I'm watching End Of The Century - The Story Of The Ramones...I wish it would end. Soon. Alas, arguing over music is a miserable exercise in futility at this point, but I'm convinced now the Ramones' are given way too much credit and their influence exaggerated. "The Ramones saved rock music" someone quipped. Sure. The most intriguing part of their careers was when Johnny stole Joey's girlfriend. And Joey never got over it. In the words of the lamentable Ms. Malkin, boo-frickin' hoo.

I wouldn't deny that a case can be made that they they were influential..but that they supposedly influenced everyone under the sun [in the past 30 years] is stretching it a bit. One could make a similar case for the Stooges or Kraftwerk for that matter--and when the hell will they be inducted into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame? Rock centric bastards! And we really don't know/prove that without the Ramones, their wouldn't have been the Sex Pistols/Stranglers/Damned/Clash, etc. Don't get me wrong, it sucks that they were never commercially successful while recording the great tunes. Just an odd group of guys--don't know how many groupies flocked to Joey's dressing room after a gig. Then we have Johnny Ramone--lifelong Republican; "God bless George Bush & God Bless America" he proclaims at the Rock 'n Roll hall of fame induction ceremony. Hell, that's all he said! By all accounts he was a control freak a-hole. Onto my favorite Ramone--Dee Dee, who overdosed on heroin in Los Angeles two months after their induction. He even recorded a rap/hip-hop record after leaving the group. I totally have to find it. Now he was completely nuts--I love that guy.

I saw The Filth And The Fury, a Sex Pistols doc a couple months back...the difference between the two docs is that their seemed to be a lot less contextualizing in the Ramones doc as it focused more on the various members' personalities/stories which were pretty uninteresting, less on the music or the zeitgeist in the which their music grew out of. The Filth And The Fury is just a much better film. And I don't even care much for the Pistols, but their story was really fascinating. It was the Pistols who created (although one could argue the nihilistic punk image/ethic. Not the Ramones. The Ramones just played hard/fast with simplistic tunes/songs. I guess like all art/music scenes, being "first" is all that matters.

Let me recap for you...the story of the Ramones: Group of musically inept outcasts/misfits/freaks join together and play wretched little club in nyc...they play hard/fast and sing simple pop tunes...supposedly influence some kids across the pond in Britian (which was not so great in the early/mid-70's)...they (naturally) have some internal differences...argue...some members leave/forced out and are replaced...they contine making music and tour. The 80's are a blur. The 90's are a blur...record "last" record called Adios Amigos...get some airplay between Sponge and the Screeming Trees...Joey Ramone dies...few months later they are inducted into Rock and Roll Hall of Fame in 2001...Dee Dee and Johnny also die. The End.

That pretty much sums up the Ramones' career. Oh, and Phil Spector really was/is nuts.

Joe Stummer of the Clash is interviewed in the film, and is incredibly cordial while praising the Ramones for teaching him about playing fast/hard! 1-2-3-4! Let's face it, the Clash's Career Opportunities (1977) is better than anything the Ramones ever produced. By 1982 The Clash were selling out stadiums all over the world, while the Ramones were still playing to 34 people in New Jersey.

Trash.

2007-04-21T19:19:00.000-07:00

Miranda Lee Richards @ Hotel Cafe, Hollywood 4/20/07

I may very well be the only person the planet to own a Miranda Lee Richards t-shirt. Wore it proudly today. So there were easily over 120 people present, but I think a total of 8 of us at the Hotel Cafe last nite actually came to see her. Her voice is beautiful. She's beautiful. I love this girl! I may just propose to her at the next gig. She complained about the sound for the first couple songs...then complained that peeps were talking too loud disrupting her. Had the chattering crowd exit in to the other rooms/outside. Reminded me of a Hope Sandoval (Mazzy Star) gig, where the lovely Hope berated the crowd for cheering. Sweet memories. I like the venue, Hotel Cafe (Now With Air Conditioning!)...very laid back. Very Hollywood but not really. If that makes sense. Intimate/personal, acoustic music joint with appetizers! I felt really out of place trying to take a pics/video. I nervously snapped a couple photos...with the flash on...damn new digi cam. Got to speak to her afterwards. Sparks flew. Perhaps only in my mind...but I did feel like Bobby Brady...fireworks.

Later that nite...a different part of town, a different kind of freak...Suede's Trash empties dance floor. Shame. Shame! "Old" people unite/take to the floor. Sing our hearts out.

Late nite music with wacky Iranians

2007-04-18T00:04:00.000-07:00

Abjeez - Eddeaa

I love these wacky Iranian girls.

Deliver us from IE

2007-04-15T22:31:00.000-07:00

Inland Empire Diary. The IE.

Took a trip to the IE last nite. One has to prepare herself mentally before venturing out into the IE.

The Inland Empire. 60 miles East of Los Angeles between the coastal regions of the Los Angels/Orange County and Palm Springs. The 909. Located in the largest county in the sate--San Bernardino. Over 3 million people live in the IE today. It is one of the major agriculture centers of the sate. The region has grown (in the past decade) faster than the local governments ability to provide general/public services. News coverage of the IE is abysmal. The L.A. Times Inland Empire edition has less than 10 full-time reporters to cover 3 million people! Most of the regions inhabitants are recent transplants (Coastal Equity Refugees) from the Los Angeles area. Another issue of course is the rise in crime/gangs. Not many new gangs, rather cliques from larger L.A. gangs have branched out into the area.

Inland Empire contains over 50 cities, including Riverside, San Bernardino, Ontario and Temecula's Wine Country to the south. The Inland Empire also includes the San Bernardino Mountains to the north including Big Bear and Lake Arrowhead.

1st. stop: Moreno Valley (East on th 60 Fwy past Riverside...past civilization). Took 1hr and a half to arrive. Mormon weddings are quaint affairs. Pretty girls & no booze. What kinda Mexican wedding has no booze? Oh yea, a Mormon Mexican one. Mormon girls are hot. God has strange ways punishing men in Utah. Force them to marry early. Utah coincidentally leads the country in bankruptcies. Reasons for this vary but it may have something to do with the fact that Mormons pay 10% of their gross income to the church. Mormons are encouraged to marry early and have large families. And there is pressure on believers to be financially successful. Weddings in the chapel are earned. Weddings in the Temple are earned even more. It was a mixed marriage--Mexican/gringo. Congrats and good luck!

2nd. stop: 1230am. Morongo Resort & Casino, Cabazon, Ca. Located next door to Hadleys (off hwy stop famous for its date shakes, I'm sure the casino has been good for business). Also, a new outlet mall has been built next to the casino as well. "Owned" by the Morongo Band of Mission Indians, who raised $250 million to build the casino. The Morongo's operate one of the largest tribal gaming facilities in America. Wonder how they raised that kind of money--and who were they're lenders...hmm...good old tribal sovereignty. Which is only as sovereign as Congress allows.

On Tribal Sovereignty from a recent FAIR Coalition policy piece:

Congress should be specifically informed that the federal government has long-imposed limitations on tribal powers. According to the respected Indian law treatise by Felix Cohen (Section 4.02, 2005 edition), tribal power must adhere to three basic principles:

• Tribes possess, in the first instance, all the inherent powers of an sovereign state, however;
• Tribes within the United States are subject to Congress and may not exercise external powers of sovereignty such as the power to enter into treaties with foreign nations; and
• Tribal powers can be restricted by treaties and by express federal legislation.

Thus, treaties and statutes have limited tribal sovereignty in areas such as:
• Exercising control over lands ceded to the federal government
• Federal supervision of tribes
• Conveyance of tribal property without federal approval
• Allotment of tribal lands to individual Indians
• Subjecting tribes to varying degrees of state authority
• Federal criminal jurisdiction over Indians
• Subjecting tribal authority to individual civil rights
• Limitations on tribal adjudicative powers
• The power of a tribe to exercise jurisdiction over non-Indians within a tribal reservation

Tribal sovereignty is likewise cabined by the principle that the United States has the exclusive power to extinguish Indian title to land.8 In other words, “Congress may effect an act of eminent domain, taking tribal land.”.

Through rights of way statutes, Congress has authorized rights of way across tribal lands for railroads, telegraph and telephone lines, oil and gas pipelines, and highways.

Basically, what this says is that Congressional decree trumps any claim/right made by the various tribes/nations in the country.

But what about the casino itself you ask? We made it from the parking lot to the casino without getting stabbed, so that's was a plus. Morongo is a casino/hotel on native land which means...very few regulations. Does California even have a gaming regulatory commission? We must right? The California Gambling Control Commission (peculiar name--is it an anti-gaming commission?!), whose mission/vision statement declare:

The California Gambling Control Commission protects the public by fostering the integrity of gaming through setting policies, promulgating regulations, licensing, and monitoring compliance; and by implementing and administering the Gambling Control Act and the Tribal-StateGaming Compacts.

To foster the integrity of gaming in California.

There is no integrity at Morongo casino. The Commission negotiate Compacts with the various tribes--a kind of MOU that attempts to set standards/regulatory controls on gaming operations in the tribal areas. For example, 18 year olds can legally gamble on tribal land. Only thing is, there is no one there that actually cards young people, so you sit next to 15 year olds playing video roulette.

The sights: A Check Cash joint. A mall like food court. A gift shop with all sorts of Chinese made Native gifts/trinkets/artwork/clothing. Thousands of the most vibrant (and by vibrant I mean ghetto/miserable/wretched) people under one roof. Get down tonight. I kid. The gaming area is massive. Every single slot machine and card table is occupied. Absolutely mind blowing. People waiting in line for a computer slot machine. Vegas on New Years doesn't even get this busy. There is even a line for the bar! Two dance clubs. Ladies get in free of course. Ironically, the table minimum limits are not low! And these people don't look like the high roller types to these judgmental eyes. Does anyone actually win here? This would have been my 3rd visit....last time it was the bizarre video roulette machine that took nearly my entire humble library paycheck...Costs 4.00 service charge for withdraw cash from the casino ATM. I did, but some cosmic force wouldn't allow me to gamble any of it.

Among the missing: Actual native people! I looked. Couldn't find a single dealer named Lucky Spirit! Very few White people. Where were all the natives I thought.

Left the place after a slice of cheesecake from the cafe. Amazing.

3rd stop: 230am: Pomona (Getting back towards civilization!). Spent about an hour near my old alma mater...good times.

4th stop: Home.

Late nite music with Bjork

2007-04-13T23:51:00.000-07:00

Bjork - All is Full of Love

Late nite music...with Swedes..

2007-04-12T23:46:00.000-07:00

God I hate this band, but this tune--she's been stuck in my head all week. It's played at the club every week. The guy's voice is pristinely awful. As is the rest of their music. The kids seem to like it though. Gets them moving...

Peter, Bjorn & John - Young Folks

So after ABBA we had, Europe (Carrie!), Roxette, Ace of Base, Robyn, The Cardigans, more recently The Sounds (whose lead singer's uncanny physical resemblance to Ozzy frightens me), International Noise Conspiracy, and now these guys. Stockholm--the fresh maker.

G-Unit Thrillers

2007-04-12T17:32:00.000-07:00

Last year it was Snoop Dogg's Love Don't Live Here Anymore, today I receive two new G-Unit books on my desk--DEATH BEFORE DiSHONOR Love is a Killer (one of its main characters is named Sunni--no it isn't based in the NWFP! Pasthunwali and the G Lifestyle aren't as dissimilar when you think about it) and BABY BROTHER On These Streets, No One Can Protect You (again, not based in the mean streets of Waziristan!). 50 Cent is cited as co-author with Noire & Nikki Turner respectively. Surprisingly both books were on reserve for patrons in other branches. In fact there were several requests for the two books.

From the publisher (MTV Books):

Introducing G-Unit Books from 50 Cent--a hot new series of hip-hop novellas that dare to tell the truth about The Life. The lovers, the haters, the guns, the money, the highs, the lows: The Street. for real.

Excerpt from DEATH BEFORE DiSHONOR:

"Damn, Tiffany. Don't come up in here and start with that same ole shit," Lee said, putting his hand up in ol' girl's face as if she wasn't shit. "Save it," he said, and then took a sip of his drink, pointing out his pinky finger as if he was sipping tea.

"Muthafucka." Tiffany pushed his hand from in front of her face. "This is how you gon' try to play me in front of them bitches? You gon' spare their feelings when I'm the one that's always there for you? You know these washed-out hos don't me you no good."

"And you do? You mean me some good by nagging the fuck out of me?" He dug down in his pocket and pulled out a two-inch stack of money. He handed her a couple of hundred-dollar bills and then looked over her shoulder. "Take this. Who you here with? Go buy you and your girls something to drink, something to put in your goddamn mouth, that way you won't have to come up over here ruinnin' it."

I think these books would have worked better if they had been called G-Unitarian Mysteries. Might have had a more universal appeal. Now that would've been an interesting angle.

You know I've been meaning to write something serious for some time now. I really think I could be a NYT Bestseller. Been thinking about what to write about...maybe cash in on the post 9-11 fear/hate mongering. I even have a great title prepared: Now They Call Me Infidel--Why I Renounced Jihad for America, Israel, and the War on Terror. What do you think? Probably get a couple primetime gigs on O'Reilly and some glowing reviews/support from the freedom is not free crowd. Ooh, I even have a great photo I could use for the cover--a 3/4 shot of me looking oh-so-determined in front of Old Glory. Might just work...shit...just been informed that title is already taken...never fear, I've got a backup...I'll just write a selective/inventive history of the Middle East, and argue against teaching science to foreign students. Something like this...

With the infiltration of radical extremists in our universities, it is foolish to allow Muslims to take any type of science courses, especially any of them that deal with chemistry or nuclear physics. We are actually supplying them with the knowledge for destroying a democratic society without really trying. We make it so easy!

It's Because I Hate isn't it? So I'm going to need a co-author...preferably someone with a Western sounding name, just to give it legitimacy...any takers? Given my background and you're Western sounding name, we could make one-million dollars. Think about it. One Million Dollars. Now that would be gangsta...

And another thing Vonnegut!

2007-04-12T01:59:00.000-07:00

Kurt Vonnegut. Dead at 84.

From AP:

Vonnegut once said that of all the ways to die, he'd prefer to go out in an airplane crash on the peak of Mount Kilimanjaro. He often joked about the difficulties of old age.
"When Hemingway killed himself he put a period at the end of his life; old age is more like a semicolon," Vonnegut told The Associated Press in 2005.
"My father, like Hemingway, was a gun nut and was very unhappy late in life. But he was proud of not committing suicide. And I'll do the same, so as not to set a bad example for my children."

Now that's what I call a trailer...

2007-04-10T23:44:00.000-07:00

So, I just spent the last hour and half of my life watching Black Xmas (that's short for Christmas for you secular humanist types--library loan), the god awful, all-white-girl 2006 remake. So there's a woman in the film looking for her half-sister, Claire, the enitre movie. You see she came to pick up Claire...she needed to know where Claire was. She wanted to make sure she was alive, before leaving the house. Funny thing, I still don't know who Claire is! Hell, I can't remember what any of the other girls in the film names were--uninteresting/interchangeable and one hack put it. There isn't even a bonafide heroine one could cheer for. Some blondy survives. All I know is that the cute brunette (who played the cheerleader in Grindhouse's Deathproof) was killed. And that made me sad. The killer(s), Bobby (or was it Billy?) and his freakishly masculine daughter/sister escape from their respective sanitariums and return to their childhood homes on xmas eve to kill all the inhabitants--the home has since become a sorority house. How they got home is beyond me...Billy kills the Black security guard and Santa Claus at the sanitarium and manages to find his way home. He was locked up by his disturbed mother (who killed Billy's father when Billy was only 5) in the attic. Billy never left the house until Christmas even 1991 (he would have been 21 at the time) after killing his mother and step-father and attempting to kill his beastly sister/daughter. He left in handcuffs, after the police arrived. When/where did he learn to drive?! How did he get home?! Reminds me of when Michael Myers drove across country to find his sister..Halloween part 5 or 6 I think...can't remember. First, when did he learn to drive, second, how many times did he fill up gas on the way? I mean really. He had to get out of his car, take the gas cap off, possibly go inside to pay, then stand there filling gas like an asshole in his sanitarium dress.

As a horror film junkie, I must say this is by far one of the worst films of the genre in years. Makes, I Still Know What You Did Last Summer and Urban Legend 2 seem like classics. Hell, Basket Case 2 was a classic! In the end, one girl (can't remember the name) survives along with the woman looking for Claire. They show up, bruised/broken at the hospital where both Bobby and his daughter/sister lie in body bags in the autopsy room. Only the disturbed siblings didn't die the in the fire (flame on), they were fine it turns out. The chase resumed. The survivor ultimately throws Billy down the stairs and he is impaled on a...you guessed it...a Christmas tree! His sister/daughter/monster is defibrillatored to death. Terrible ending. There are three alt endings which are better than the one used.

All this leads me to back to the original Black Christams (1974), which all but created the horror/slasher genre. The film was impossible to find for years, unless you found a old VHS copy someplace and was never transferred to DVD until recently. Heck it's still hard to find the DVD. A true classic in every sense.

Black Christmas (1974):

Late nite music...

2007-04-10T23:30:00.000-07:00

Another Modern Rock classic...you've never heard...

Wire Train - I'll Do You

Golden silence?

2007-04-10T20:33:00.000-07:00

Sarah Miller in an LA Times OpEd piece today:

Sometime last week, I sat in a cubicle, in a lovely library in one of Los Angeles' leafier suburbs, writing. Pardon me, I should say that I was trying to write, because close by, a girl in a Hollister LOVE sweatshirt shrieked into a pink Razr: "I'll call you later. Look, I swear I will call you in like, one second!" Another girl, also in a Hollister sweatshirt, chatted animatedly to her friend: "So, I talked to my cousin Nicky, and you have to listen to this. Shut up! Guess who he has a crush on! Shut up! Guess!" She named the person. Her friend smacked the table in disbelief. "Shut up!" "Excuse me," I said, turning around, smiling what was admittedly not a particularly nice smile, "Do you guys think you could be quiet?" Let's just say that no one blushed.

These days, libraries sound a lot less like libraries and a lot more like the line for the funnel cake booth at a county fair. Teenagers are the most egregious offenders, but they are not, sadly, alone. In this same library, two soccer moms discussed their respective trips to Hawaii in voices at least as loud as they'd have used at each other's kitchen tables, which is where — pity the fiery pits of hell were not available — their rendezvous should have taken place. A young man in Diesel jeans obsessively checked his voice mail on speakerphone. A geezer in Bermuda shorts with East Coast lockjaw stood in the travel guidebook section, bellowing into a phone: "Should I get the one for Ireland, or just Dublin? Is the France one too outdated? Remember, we don't want to carry too much. France. Yes, we're going to France. I told you that. I did. Hello? Hello? God, I hate Bluetooth.

...libraries are more vibrant these days, and busier, Persic says, and I applaud this. But just because libraries serve a broader function than they once did shouldn't mean that people lose all respect for what they began as: a place where silence is, if not always pristine, actively sought.

In a conversation discussing the tension between the library of yore and the library of now, Fjeldsted points out to me that libraries are "less elitist" than they were when I was young. Does this mean libraries used to be full of rich, smart, quiet people, but now they're full of poor, dumb, loud ones? Call me a snob, call me old-fashioned, but I think there should be one institution where, on entering, people are forced — horror of horrors — to be quiet. For once."

I'll let Sarah Miller in on LAPL policy secret...technically, we, the esteemed library staff, are not allowed to tell people to be quiet any more inside the library. City wide policy. Cell Phone use is not allowed inside, but we get tired of telling people to go outside to use them--we've got a huge sign in the lobby instead. We also have posted all over the library, our Library Rules of Conduct (i'll post a copy of the rules tomorrow). Nor do we have a right to tell patrons what they can't view on the computers, as they are not filtered in anyway. That's not to say we don't sometimes have to wake people up from the floor or kick out pervs for...being pervs. So we just put up with it...usually, other "old fashioned" patrons deal with the offenders...which is quite amusing actually. We've got this one patron, a middle-aged big guy, we call the shusshster...he comes in to use the computer a few days a week and usually manages to find someone to harass. I love that guy.

Luckily for us at our affluent, hidden corner of the city branch, we don't have many teenagers hanging out, nor those pesky transients--save for our special regulars. I'm gonna have a underground rave night at the library one of these days...hmm...maybe a disco nite. Oooh, maybe a mod nite. Sssh...but don't anyone...

You just can't look cool at a bus stop...

2007-04-04T22:59:00.000-07:00

Is that a Live Aid T-shirt?

Some folks chose to stand, sit on top the the bench with their feet on the seat, some talk on their mobiles, some hang out on the corner pretending as if they aren't really waiting for the bus, or the classic...walk out onto the street every few minutes to see if the bus is near...nothing changes the fact that you are waiting for the bus and every single person that rolls up next to you in their air conditioned vehicles stares at you like you're the zoo feature. Give up! You may as well just sit next to the old lady with all of her stuff and wave at people. Seriously, stop frontin', you're taking the bus. You can't text message your way out of it! I don't know, it must be a Southern California (L.A.) thing, public transport is just so...so low. Don't get me wrong, I would love to take public transportation if only we didn't have to drive to the station...

Late nite Freestyle poetry

2007-04-03T23:08:00.000-07:00

Freestyle - It's Automatic

Girl I can see right through your false defenses
You act as if you can ignore the sound
My force detectors tell me your pretending
All of your systems are about to go down
No need to panic, I know you feel it
If you can stand it, just dance
I'm your mechanic, I know you feel it
This automatic romance

I know the secrets to your circuitry girl
To your diskette I have to access code
Don't try to fight this electricity girl
From all this power you might overload
No need to panic, I know you feel it
If you can stand it, just dance
I'm your mechanic, I know you feel it
This automatic romance

Girl I can see right through your false defenses
Before you know it, I will be in control
My force detectors tell me your pretending
Your force repellers can no longer hold
No need to panic, I know you feel it
If you can stand it, just dance
I'm your mechanic, I know you feel it
This automatic romance

Oscar Wilde's got nothing on Freestyle!

Late nite music with The Dogs

2007-04-03T22:34:00.000-07:00

Yo mama's on crack rock! My mama ain't on crack rock, yo mama's on crack rock!

This video was on all the time on the Box video channel...sweet memories of 9th grade. While not exactly an old skool classic, I was delighted to see someone uploaded it. Thanks homes. I've been telling people about this song for years...no one seems to have heard of it. Here it is! Youtube rocks!

The Dogs - Yo Mama's On Crack Rock

Now if I can just find a girl who is into The Dogs and Gore Vidal...

Mis-shapes, mistakes, misfits.

2007-04-02T21:23:00.000-07:00

Weekly Branch Roundup

Another exciting week at our branch. Your friendly neighborhood Bookstamper was going to be administratively transferred to the ghetto branch--which meant that it was time to finally (after a year and a half) to pack up my balls and leave. You see, we're finally getting a new clerk. A woman. Another middle-aged woman. In a bizarre kind of departmental trade-off...get one new full-time clerk and sacrifice a half-time one. In the end however, after a couple days of wrangling/bitching by the Branch Manager (previously known as the Senior Librarian), I got to stay...small mercies. Ironically, I was actually excited about quitting. Time do something with those two degrees I reckoned...alas it wasn't meant to be. Soon.

You know there is a kind of reverse sex discrimination in the library department. While I don't know the exact numbers, the ratio of women to men in the department has to be pretty unbalanced. Take our situation, we've got 13 Women to 1.5 Men (okay, 2...I kid). 13:2. I don't think its much different at any other branch in the city. Two explanations--one, men do not wish to work for the library department. Two, men aren't hired to work in the library department.

Some history--as I understand it...the reason why more women traditionally became librarians had to do with the fact that it was much more difficult for educated women to be hired as lecturers and professors and therefore were offered nice quiet jobs sorting/filing/stamping books...seems like they are getting their revenge. But there is another way to look at this...if there is a problem with your local library--blame women ;)

Incident Report. Was a sad day today, and not just because I worked 7 hours on the circulation desk...friendly (elderly) regular library patron Frank, whom I help/teach to use the computer, had his beautiful new 17" Sony Vaio stolen from the teen room while he helped sharpen pencils at the reference desk. We were all shocked. I let him use my wireless mouse today since the expensive Logitech he bought came incomplete. He watched a classic Bogart film on his new headphones. We even put up a Craigslist ad so he could sell the brand new Winnebago he just purchased! I still can't believe someone swiped it. It was toward the end of the day, around 715pm. The suspects/culprits--two young men, whom I didn't see enter or leave the building. They even took the power A/C adapter. Spared his laptop case/wireless mouse. Poor Frank, he even brought me a bag Trader Joes extra large fancy salted cashews today because he knows I like them. I pray those punks find Jesus. Shame. Shame! No real recourse--tried to file a police report...

Complaint Forms. After attending our basic computer class one morning last week (before we opened to the public), a middle-aged woman, after perusing the stacks, came across a book entitled The Customized Body, a full sized photography book featuring graphic/explicit images of mutilated, pierced, tattooed "freaks". She opened up the book to a particularly graphic image featuring two naked men with several piercings on their...you know...petermans, and said, "Do you think this should be on the shelf where any child can get it?" I said...um...um...let me see that picture again! Seriously though, I had no answer for her. She left the standard CITY OF LOS ANGELES LIBRARY DEPARTMENT CITIZEN'S COMPLAINT FORM inside the book, but didn't bother to fill it out. I think she just wanted me to see it. Which didn't bother me as much as she probably hoped it would. So who decides what books end up on the shelves? The answer of course is...I won't tell you, it's a secret. There are tons of books at our library which I personally find offensive...like those damn Jenny McCarthy self-help books! Prose before Hos!

Notable Patron Quotes of the Week.

"If my library card expired, why didn't they mail me a new one?!"

"I didn't bring the movie back on time because it was broken! I didn't even watch it!"

"The Library was closed on that Mexicans holiday"

"I'm on reserve"

The Bitterist April Fools Joke

2007-04-02T01:37:00.000-07:00

I'm only here, to bring you free lunch. Complete with a website, a myspace page and menu...this was one elaborate April Fools joke...can't believe fans were making plans to fly out to NYC to visit and trying to make reservations.

The Bitter Apple

The Menu

Main Course

• A Steak That I'm Used To
Served with your choice of mashed potatoes, or Oberkorn on the cob.
• Lasagna, In Itself
Multiple layers of meat, and Precious cheese.
• Dirty, Sticky Ribs
Served with a tasty bbq sauce that will leave you feeling Newborn.
• Fusilli On The Windscreen
Served with a tasty marinara, If You Want.
• Calamari Island
Our grilled calamari, with sun dried tomatoes, black day olives and dips.
• (Set Me Free) Ravioli
Choose either cheese or meat ravioli, smothered in our tangy marinara, and topped with sweet peppers and portobello mushrooms.
• Get The Burger Right
A pound of aged Angus meat, with your choice of two sides.
• Leave In Salmon
A salmon filet, topped with Hollandaise sauce. Served with rice pilaf and vegetables.
• Enjoy The Soup
Our soup of the day.
• Dreaming Of Meat
Our vegetarian special.
• To Ham And To Hold
A baked smoked ham, served sliced with pineapple, honey and cherries.
• Meatloaf Sonata
Our special Home-made meatloaf, seasoned with 15 herbs and spices.
• The Shrimp And The Rainfall
Ten jumbo shrimp, served with an assortment of side dips.
• A Question Of Lunch
In a Rush? Can't decide what you would like for lunch? We'll decide for you!
• The Meaning Of Lunch
Any two of our main courses, and our Sacred Caesar.
• I Feel Lunch
Any three of our main courses, our Sacred Caesar, and a dessert.
• I Want It All
All items on the main course menu, for those who Just Can't Get Enough. It will leave you saying "I Shouldn't Have Done That".
• And Then...
No "and then".

All our meat dishes can be ordered Suffer Well Done, Black And Blue Again or Breathing In Fumes.

Salads

• The Sacred Ceasar
Served with your choice of Blue Dress(ing) or Here Is The House dressing, with crisp lettuce from My Secret Garden.
• Tuna! Tuna! Tuna!
A hearty tuna salad, with tomotoes, bell peppers, garlic and onions.
• The Black Celebration
Black beans, corn, green onions, tomatoes, and our boys say jalapeño peppers.

Side Dishes

• Now, This Is French Fries
Large cut fries, served with ranch, ketchup, mustard and our Dangerous hot sauce.
• World Full Of Nachos
Crisp nacho chips piled high with chili, salsa, monterey jack and cheddar cheese. Topped with your own personal jalapeño cheese sauce, and sour cream on the side.
• A Quiche Of Lust
A tomato quiche with basil, chopped green onions, and eggs.

Desserts
All desserts comes "a la Mode".

• Milkshake The Disease
Available in Vanilla, Chocolate and Agent Orange.
• It's Called A Tart
• Dave's New York Cheesecake
Have "A Little Piece".
• The Sinner In Me
A large slice of our angel food cake, surrounded with a halo of rich dark chocolate.
• Two Minute Waffle
A tasty Belgian waffle, served with your choice of syrup.
• World In My Pie
Your choice of pumpkin, key lime, cherry or lemon pie.
• S'Mores Than A Party
Chocolate terrine with graham-cracker crust, topped with a house-made roasted marshmallow.
• I Sometimes Wish I Was Danish
A fluffy pastry, filled with your choice of almond, cream cheese or vanilla custard.

Drinks

• Sea Of Gin
• The Painkiller
• Pleasure, Little Treasure
• The Big Muff
• The Pimpf
• The Condemnation
• The Personal Jesus
• The Bottom Line
• The Surrender
• The Happiest Girl
• The Barrel Of A Gun
• The Comatose
• The Policy Of Truth

(menu list proudly taken without permission)