G-Unit Thrillers

Last year it was Snoop Dogg's Love Don't Live Here Anymore, today I receive two new G-Unit books on my desk--DEATH BEFORE DiSHONOR Love is a Killer (one of its main characters is named Sunni--no it isn't based in the NWFP! Pasthunwali and the G Lifestyle aren't as dissimilar when you think about it) and BABY BROTHER On These Streets, No One Can Protect You (again, not based in the mean streets of Waziristan!). 50 Cent is cited as co-author with Noire & Nikki Turner respectively. Surprisingly both books were on reserve for patrons in other branches. In fact there were several requests for the two books.

From the publisher (MTV Books):

Introducing G-Unit Books from 50 Cent--a hot new series of hip-hop novellas that dare to tell the truth about The Life. The lovers, the haters, the guns, the money, the highs, the lows: The Street. for real.

Excerpt from DEATH BEFORE DiSHONOR:

"Damn, Tiffany. Don't come up in here and start with that same ole shit," Lee said, putting his hand up in ol' girl's face as if she wasn't shit. "Save it," he said, and then took a sip of his drink, pointing out his pinky finger as if he was sipping tea.

"Muthafucka." Tiffany pushed his hand from in front of her face. "This is how you gon' try to play me in front of them bitches? You gon' spare their feelings when I'm the one that's always there for you? You know these washed-out hos don't me you no good."

"And you do? You mean me some good by nagging the fuck out of me?" He dug down in his pocket and pulled out a two-inch stack of money. He handed her a couple of hundred-dollar bills and then looked over her shoulder. "Take this. Who you here with? Go buy you and your girls something to drink, something to put in your goddamn mouth, that way you won't have to come up over here ruinnin' it."

I think these books would have worked better if they had been called G-Unitarian Mysteries. Might have had a more universal appeal. Now that would've been an interesting angle.

You know I've been meaning to write something serious for some time now. I really think I could be a NYT Bestseller. Been thinking about what to write about...maybe cash in on the post 9-11 fear/hate mongering. I even have a great title prepared: Now They Call Me Infidel--Why I Renounced Jihad for America, Israel, and the War on Terror. What do you think? Probably get a couple primetime gigs on O'Reilly and some glowing reviews/support from the freedom is not free crowd. Ooh, I even have a great photo I could use for the cover--a 3/4 shot of me looking oh-so-determined in front of Old Glory. Might just work...shit...just been informed that title is already taken...never fear, I've got a backup...I'll just write a selective/inventive history of the Middle East, and argue against teaching science to foreign students. Something like this...

With the infiltration of radical extremists in our universities, it is foolish to allow Muslims to take any type of science courses, especially any of them that deal with chemistry or nuclear physics. We are actually supplying them with the knowledge for destroying a democratic society without really trying. We make it so easy!

It's Because I Hate isn't it? So I'm going to need a co-author...preferably someone with a Western sounding name, just to give it legitimacy...any takers? Given my background and you're Western sounding name, we could make one-million dollars. Think about it. One Million Dollars. Now that would be gangsta...