Now that's what I call a trailer...

So, I just spent the last hour and half of my life watching Black Xmas (that's short for Christmas for you secular humanist types--library loan), the god awful, all-white-girl 2006 remake. So there's a woman in the film looking for her half-sister, Claire, the enitre movie. You see she came to pick up Claire...she needed to know where Claire was. She wanted to make sure she was alive, before leaving the house. Funny thing, I still don't know who Claire is! Hell, I can't remember what any of the other girls in the film names were--uninteresting/interchangeable and one hack put it. There isn't even a bonafide heroine one could cheer for. Some blondy survives. All I know is that the cute brunette (who played the cheerleader in Grindhouse's Deathproof) was killed. And that made me sad. The killer(s), Bobby (or was it Billy?) and his freakishly masculine daughter/sister escape from their respective sanitariums and return to their childhood homes on xmas eve to kill all the inhabitants--the home has since become a sorority house. How they got home is beyond me...Billy kills the Black security guard and Santa Claus at the sanitarium and manages to find his way home. He was locked up by his disturbed mother (who killed Billy's father when Billy was only 5) in the attic. Billy never left the house until Christmas even 1991 (he would have been 21 at the time) after killing his mother and step-father and attempting to kill his beastly sister/daughter. He left in handcuffs, after the police arrived. When/where did he learn to drive?! How did he get home?! Reminds me of when Michael Myers drove across country to find his sister..Halloween part 5 or 6 I think...can't remember. First, when did he learn to drive, second, how many times did he fill up gas on the way? I mean really. He had to get out of his car, take the gas cap off, possibly go inside to pay, then stand there filling gas like an asshole in his sanitarium dress.

As a horror film junkie, I must say this is by far one of the worst films of the genre in years. Makes, I Still Know What You Did Last Summer and Urban Legend 2 seem like classics. Hell, Basket Case 2 was a classic! In the end, one girl (can't remember the name) survives along with the woman looking for Claire. They show up, bruised/broken at the hospital where both Bobby and his daughter/sister lie in body bags in the autopsy room. Only the disturbed siblings didn't die the in the fire (flame on), they were fine it turns out. The chase resumed. The survivor ultimately throws Billy down the stairs and he is impaled on a...you guessed it...a Christmas tree! His sister/daughter/monster is defibrillatored to death. Terrible ending. There are three alt endings which are better than the one used.

All this leads me to back to the original Black Christams (1974), which all but created the horror/slasher genre. The film was impossible to find for years, unless you found a old VHS copy someplace and was never transferred to DVD until recently. Heck it's still hard to find the DVD. A true classic in every sense.

Black Christmas (1974):