NYC eat your heart out

Rockefeller smockerfeller! Downtown Los Angeles On Ice! Through Jan. 16th, our friends at the Parks & Recreation Dept. have set up a ice skating rink in Pershing Square (between 5th and 6th St. in the heart of downtown). Skates costs $6 to rent. Enjoy. (p.s. don't mind the homeless, the've got no place else to go these days--literally, due to new city ordinance, so the LAPD in the mid-city/central city east spend half their shifts harassing the homeless. high five).

Worst of 2006...

Drum roll please...this thing, this abomination called the "Mash-up". For those unfamiliar, the "Mash-up", is a relatively new phrase in the ridiculously vast lexicon of music (in particular dance music) terminology, coined & operated by our melanin-deficient friends, who as usually seem to be a bit late getting to the party. You see, a "mash-up" is simply taking two songs and "mashing" them together. For example, you can take a Karen Carpenter tune and "mash" it together with Stevie B. Sounds pretty straight forward right? Only problem is, we've had a name for this for over 20 years, it's called a god-dammed REMIX! YES, A REMIX! A MIX EVEN! DJ'S HAVE BEEN MIXING TWO SONGS (ON TWO TURNTABLES) FOR YEARS! THIS IS NOT NEW. SADLY, WE HAVE "MASH-UP" CLUBS HERE IN LOS ANGELES TODAY! ENTIRE RADIO SHOWS OF "MASH-UPS". Someone please make it stop. God is great.

My second favorite songs of the year...

Perhaps I've just spent too much time stamping books to pay attention, but I am convinced it's been a pretty dismal year for new music. Sad, I can actually count the number of gigs I've been to this year on one hand. In any case, here are my favorite songs of 2006:

Asobi Seksu - "Thursday"


NYC group whose lead singer sings in both Japanesia + Ingles. Plus, she's got the sexiest nostrils in the biz.

Miranda Lee Richards - "Early November"
I just love this girl. Miranda's myspace.

Pet Shop Boys - "Psychological"
You know how I know you're gay?

Too $hort - "Blow the whistle"
Album number 16 baby. Still representin' East Oakland.

E-40 - "White Gurl"
Vallejo in the house. God bless the memory of Mac D-R-E.

Lily Allen - "Smile"
I like this girl...even if she is British...our friends at MTV are pumping her hard (!) Now if we can just find a way to make that Lady Sovereign to go away...

The Organ - "Steven Smith" & "Brother"
Don't tell anyone but these songs were from their only album, released in 2004, but you've probably never heard them anyway. They've been on constant repeat in my car stereo all year. Take cover.

Ivory towers

Port Tower Complex
Karachi, Pakistan (1476ft - 450M)
(Project Approved)

What's a developing country, awash with billions in international aid/grants to do these days? Invest in education? Health care? Infrastructure? Sustainability? Alternative energy? Um, not quite, try...Spending billions to project a false sense of affluence...high five. The Port Tower Complex would be 2nd tallest building in the world, after the "Burj Dubai". The irony of course is that it won't be built by a Pakistani developer...nor will many citizens of the country be allowed inside, nonetheless Pakistanis will be proud.

More here:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kpt_tower

Soy is so gay...

Published by WorldNetDaily today, written by James Rutz of Megashift Ministries:

"There's a slow poison out there that's severely damaging our children and threatening to tear apart our culture...The dangerous food I'm speaking of is soy. Soybean products are feminizing, and they're all over the place. You can hardly escape them anymore.

Soy is feminizing, and commonly leads to a decrease in the size of the penis, sexual confusion and homosexuality. That's why most of the medical (not socio-spiritual) blame for today's rise in homosexuality must fall upon the rise in soy formula and other soy products. (Most babies are bottle-fed during some part of their infancy, and one-fourth of them are getting soy milk!) Homosexuals often argue that their homosexuality is inborn because "I can't remember a time when I wasn't homosexual." No, homosexuality is always deviant. But now many of them can truthfully say that they can't remember a time when excess estrogen wasn't influencing them." Full article below:

http://www.wnd.com/news/article.asp?ARTICLE_ID=53327

If I had known this earlier I would have never gone the tofu festival earlier this year in Little Tokyo...oooh...i'm gonna slip some soy into my friend kevyn's morning cereal...pure evil.

Web theft...

This is brutal...

Wreakin' Havoc...gabacha style.

"Too much is never enough"

So I just finished watching this Anne Hathaway/Bijou Phillips (oh and "Reese" from Terminator is in it too) film...why on earth anyone would sign up for such a film is beyond me. Not much of a stretch for Bijou to play trash, but Anne, why? I thought you were a princess...

Here's a summary...a couple of screwed up gabachas from the Pacific Palisades get mixed up with the "16th Street" gangbangers (supposed to be East L.A., but actually mid-city Alvarado/Pico Union area aka 'Korea Town'). The homeboys end up runnin' a train on Emily (Bijou, who else), after a night of tequila binging with the vatos at a seedy motel. You see the girls wanted to join the "16th Street" crew, so they had to roll the dice, and whatever number they got...well, you get the idea. Then they get lawyers...typical gabacha. Movie ends with Allison (Anne) saying something or other into a camera...I don't know. Oh, almost forgot to mention...the local crew at Palisades High is the PLC--group of Eminemesque wanna-be gangstas 'keepin' it real', who apparently have had SWAT team training--as evident in the bizarre ambiguous "climax" sequence where the boyz raid the seedy Alvarado motel in order to defend gabacha honor (guns blazing), only to find a couple of homegirls there, holding their baby's of course. Dismayed/shocked/saddened, they leave. Stop at red light. See some homeboys, then the scene goes dark, we can now only hear the action now...a shot is fired, by whom, or at whom we don't know. But as the tagline goes, 'Some lines weren't' meant to be crossed', yea, like giving the green light for the script.

My favorite lines from Havoc:

"There is a monetary zone of geography we do not cross"

"Hey, what's your name...you wanna smoke crack?"

"Hey essay, that's my homegirl"

"Bitch got parents?!"

"You got bounced out the PLC!"

All in all, we do get to see Anne Hathaway and Bijou (of course) in various outfits/acts, so, I shouldn't complain too much. Plus, hearing Anne singing Tupac's 'How do you want it' is priceless...high five.

On mental midgetry and rank assholery...

I like that title. Doesn't have anything to do with this post, but I feel so clever. So, Fridays at the library is like working at a video store. I don't think I checked out a single book for two hours today...opening those god (small "g") forsaken security cases make one think of doing bad things...

Ever wondered why there are so many librarians are women...

Jonesing for Japanese

So, I'm in the westside with some friends, jonesing for sushi tonight, luckily stumbled upon a new place on the corner of Santa Monica & Yale called Kaido (in the strip mall, there are actually two Japanese joints there, in between is a convenient store called "Convenient Market", such a clever name). The place is newish, pleasantly decorated, with a clean design. Two sushi chefs (one old, one young), and a couple waitresses. Sushi menu was fairly priced, but there was something called the Santa Monica Roll which we ordered along with our entrees...everything was excellent, from the salad to the basic spicy tuna rolls--decent sized portions and best of all, the entire meal took no more than 30 minutes from the time we got in there to getting the check. Earl, once again paid. Thanks Earl. Oh, the Santa Monica rolls (don't ask me what was in them, seemed like everything--even chili peppers), were delightfully special...(meaning they were good...geez.)

My lady friend thinks my blog is boring...

So, no one reads my blog. I can live with that. But when your own girlfriend begins a conversation with, "your boring library blog...you had like 10 posts about that Bradbury guy...", something's gotta give. So, starting now, I will attempt to "spice" up the blog with...I don't know...more bizarro tales of library patrons I guess. Maybe stories of freak library clerks, staff shortages...oh, what does she know anyway, she works in Hollywood...

Secret world of market research scammers

In the world of market research scammers, one can be a dentist, a disabled veteran, a bi-polar manic depressive, an accountant, financial manager, a student, an immigrant who sends money back to the old country, have heart disease, etc....you get the idea. There are people (petty scammers), who make a living participating in market research/focus groups a few times a week. The way it works is simple. Find market research company, register with them, or check craigslist for upcoming groups--email them with your info. A rep from the company will call you back and ask you a couple questions. Simply tell them what you think they want to hear and if you qualify (meaning if you are a good enough liar), they will sign you up for the next open group. You show up, register at the front desk (look around at all the other unemployed freaks) and 1-2hrs later after giving your opinions (again tell them what they want to hear), they will give you cash in an envelope (typically up to $75/hr, higher for "professionals"). Many of these firms today are aware of the serial scammers, but really can't do much to counter it, although many have in the past couple years lowered the hourly rate to $50-75.

I have heard stories of some of these freaks going back to the same agency the next day with baseball cap on...referring themselves (using a nickname) and getting a finders fee...(to be cont.)

More later..time for bed.

Final thoughts on Bradbury...

Ray Bradbury, 86 years young, was incredibly gracious and dare I say charming tonight, armed with amusing anecdotes about his life and career. I sat in the back with 3 rows of empty chairs in front of me next to the window where I could look outside at the parking lot hiding my laptop behind the chair in front trying not to be disrespectful I guess. I really couldn't see the man, lest I turned my head hard to the left, but I could hear him clearly.

For those unfamiliar with his work, can check out his official site (raybradbury.com) or wikipedia's bio/works page http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ray_Bradbury.

Bradbury spoke for over an hour (with a short q&a at the end), spoke mostly about his love for cinema--his long history with in the film industry (writing screenplays, etc.), his love for theater...his love for the library--how he never couldn't' go to college, instead spent a couple days a week reading at Central Library downtown and at his local branch library. Spoke about how all the women in his life were either librarians, school teachers (English of course), or book sellers. He spoke of being broke, with his first wife and writing his first novel, which was a collection of his short stories about Martians (compiled as The Martian Chronicles) after getting a break from some publisher or something...I began staring outside at a woman driving backwards with her lights off for some reason...I wondered why...

The night ended in conversation about humans colonizing space, with someone in the crowd asking him if he had heard about the discovery of water on Mars today (http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20061207/ap_on_sc/mars_water), which seemed to excite Mr. Bradbury (he is after all, a sci-fi geek at heart), he spoke of setting up a permanent base on the Moon, leaving the earth and its problems behind to colonize space, a new world free of conflict and confusion...when someone challenged him on how he was certain that man would not make the same mistakes in space that he makes on earth, Bradbury replied, "I guarantee it!"

All in all, I'm glad I stayed behind after work (the event took place after closing the branch for the day), it was definitely worth seeing/hearing a legendary figure like Ray Bradbury...this was the sixth time he has spoken at our branch (first time for me).

Ray's new book, entitled--Farewell Summer published on October 17, 2006. It is a sequel to his 1957 novel Dandelion Wine.

Now if we can just get Gore Vidal to show up, I' d be willing to pick him up...he lives nearby I've heard ;)

Blogging with Bradbury Update...

Ray Bradbury has just begun speaking in the main adult reading room of the branch. Unfortunately, the event tonight was not promoted the way it usually is (this is the 6th time he has spoken at the branch), and it is obvious that Mr. Bradbury is not too happy with the low turnout (there are about 35-40 people here). Typically, it is standing room only.

He is incredibly gracious nonetheless. He just told us that he is responsible for putting the Governator in office, that 30 years ago while he was at a Hollywood studio that had been playing an old exercise video while meeting with studio execs, and when they were about to turn it off, he told them to leave it on...also that he is responsible for Sylvestor Stallone's career (that the ending for Rocky was his idea, after advising Stallone on how to end the film).

He is speaking of his love for and long-time relationship with cinema...writing several screen plays like for Moby Dick with John Houston which influenced his new book to be released July 2007 called Leviathan 99, which is supposed to be a modern day Moby Dick in outer space...interesting.

Blogging with Bradbury Update...

What rank assholery looks like: I'm sitting behind Mr. Bradbury, who is currently signing books for his fans at this time. I haven't even gone up to say hello yet. I feel like a jerk...well, not really. But there's a guy where with no shoes on, the security is kicking him out now...Ray will be speaking soon.

Blogging with Bradbury...

I'll be blogging while hearing Ray Bradbury speak tonight here at the branch. Exciting stuff I know. As I write there is line of Bradbury fans lining up outside the library. Oooh...look, literary types....will keep you posted.

Basics of Dewey (don't ask a clerk, we don't know)

One balmy morning, shortly after opening the branch, a guy walks in and asks for books on the...how can I forget this...the tranquility of fish tanks. So like, um...ask the librarians at the reference desk i says, pointing the way. Soon after, I see the guy leaving, dejected and bookless. So I figured i'd at the very least learn basics of the the DDC. Now if you really want to know where particular books are in the library, ask a messenger clerk, they are the ones who put the books back on the shelves. Just don't ask a clerk. So here goes...

HOW DEWEY DECIMAL CLASSIFICATION (DDC) WORKS

Dewey divided knowledge into nine classes plus one "Miscellaneous," each assigned a numerical range:

000 General Works (Miscellaneous)
100 Philosophy
200 Religion
300 Social Sciences
400 Languages
500 Pure Sciences
600 Technology (Practical Arts) including medicine, engineering, business accounting, agriculture, salesmanship, etc.
700 Fine Arts (including architecture, painting, photography, music, amusements, etc.)
800 Literature
900 History, Geography, Biography

Melvil Dewey, pencil-neck geek, "Father of Modern Librarianship", god of small things, devised, what would become the most widely used method of organizing/classifying books in the U.S. and the world (let us not mention the Library of Congress classification system ;) . The straightdope.com staff breaks it down even further:

"Each item that comes under one of these disciplines is assigned a number in that range, called a class number. The logic is hierarchical: that is, within a main class, there are various subdivisions (called subclasses), and these are subdivided further, getting more specific. For example, within 700 (the arts) we have 790 ("Recreational and Performing Arts"), and within that is 795 for games of chance. After the three leading numbers, decimals can be used for as much further subdivision as needed, so 795.4 is card games, 795.41 is card games "based chiefly on skill," 795.415 is contract bridge, and 795.4152 is the bidding process (auction) in contract bridge.

A hallmark of DDC is the use of consistent subclassifications and mnemonics regardless of category. For example, 73 usually refers to the U.S., on both sides of the decimal point; thus, U.S. cooking is 631.5973 and U.S. history is 973. In contrast, LCC (Library of Congress Classification) subclassifications have no consistency from one class to the next."

(from straightdope.com, for full explaination/history/comparisons with LLC/Dewey himself go to: http://www.straightdope.com/mailbag/mdeweydecimal.html )

Got it? If not, ask a messenger clerk.

Worlds Greatest Action Figure

Up 'til now, I thought my deluxe edition librarian action figure was the cat paw (or is that meow?), until I came across this today... it's Obsessvisve Compulsive Man! created by our friends at Archie Mcphee Toys.

"This 5-1/4" tall, hard vinyl Obsessive Compulsive Action Figure is worried about whether or not you washed your hands after you used the bathroom. Just in case, he's sure you won't mind if he wears his gloves and surgical mask when he shakes your hand. Or even better, maybe you could just bump elbows with him. Now, as soon as he finishes counting those ceiling tiles, he can get started on alphabetizing the canned foods. Mini surgical mask included. Packaged with a sanitary, hypo-allergenic towelette to clean off the figure before you touch it."

Get your very own at Archie Mcphee Toys:
http://www.mcphee.com/items/11561.html

Now if we can just get Obsessive Compulsive guy and Nancy Pearl (Librarian Action Figurine) together, they could seriously give that bimbo Barbie and that maricon Ken a run for their money.

Also, see Nancy Pearl, Librarian
http://www.mcphee.com/items/11247.html

Art Laboe, Homeboy.

Art Laboe, legendary radio DJ, was one of the first to play rock n' roll in the early days, equally famous for creating the popular "Oldies But Goodies" compilation albums--hosts "Killer Oldies" syndicated radio program on Sunday nites (6pm - Midnight, (Western U.S., also, the "Art Laboe Connection" weeknights here in L.A.)

The format for the program is an all request phone in one--for those unfamiliar with the show, below is a typical phone request:

Laboe: Hello, Killer Oldies, who do you want to give a shout out too?
Caller: I wanna hear 'I'm your puppet' to Flaca from Little Joker.
Laboe: Thanks, will get that one on for you right now.

Mind you, Laboe is an elderly white gentleman. In fact, he's like 89 years old or something. Whats even more amusing is hearing him read off phone requests/dedications himself. Why is that funny you ask, I dont' know, it just is. Why are fat kids funny? I am convinced that Art Laboe could walk the streets of any barrio in the Western United States, alone, in the wee hrs of the night, and have the full protection of the homeboys. Hell, aside from The Virgin of Guadalupe, Art has to be the most beloved figure among Chicanos...Chale homes.

Visit:
http://www.killeroldies.com to listen to a live streaming audio cast of the show Sunday nites.

Si Se Puede.

The truth about library fines...Pt.1

Today I took $83.90 from a woman who had apparently forgot to bring back a couple books. The books were never returned and the matter remained unresolved for over 45 days, at which time it is turned to collections (yes the library uses a collection agency--after years of being screwed over). Further examination of her record/account (in the notes section), led to a startling discovery, not too long ago at another branch, she had paid an astounding $414 to clear her record! What an absolute waste, what studpidity...no one should pay overdue fines! For starters, every single one of the 71 l.a. city branch/regional libraries as well as Central Library downtown has 24hr secure book drops, which are incredibly convenient. B. Aside from movies (dvd's/vhs), all library items are renewable...up to 3 times given no one else is requesting the same item. So lets do some simple math; inital loan is 3 weeks, 3 renewals = 9 weeks. So, in theory, you can borrow library items for up to 12 weeks (that's 3 months!). But renewing library items is difficult you say. Um, no. You can renew online (lapl.org), or the 800 number on the bottom of your receipt/due slip. Or you can call any branch and ask the freak clerk to renew your items for you. I digress...

Quite often we hear library patrons say that they don't mind giving to the library, that library overdue fines are the only fines they don't mind paying...that it's going to a good cause. If only these people knew, I continually tell myself. You see, library fines (or "late fees" as the preferred nomenclature), do not go to the individual branch receiving the money. Late fees do not pay for the day-to-day operations of the library, library materials, nor staff salaries. Heck, at .10cents/day for juvenile material and .25cents for "adult" and young-adult material, the rate of return is nominal (understatement!).

So where does this money actually go?

The General Fund for the City of Los Angeles.

Read the Christian Science Monitor's article on library fines here.
http://www.csmonitor.com/2006/0525/p13s01-lign.html

More on library fines later, including complete breakdown of default prices for "lost" items and the library's policy on replacing lost material.

"Serious Crimes Uncovered At Public Libraries"

Local L.A. TV news' "expose" on alleged crimes at Los Angeles city public libraries. Must've been sweeps week.

Brainard's analysis: Average Jr. High School campus has 10x the number of incidents in any given period than the public library does. Don't send your kids!

Watch video:
http://cbs2.com/local/local_story_319205026.html

Gore Vidal, Pie Face.

Most writers put their pictures on the back cover of their book, Gore Vidal on the other hand insists on putting his legendary mug on the front. Hell, it doesn't even fit. But its his memoirs you say...um..no.

"Vanity dies hard; in some obstinate cases it outlives the man"
~Robert Louis Stevenson

Fo sho.

Snoop Dogg, Novelist.

Another exciting day at the branch. Shipment of new books arrived on my desk for the processing. Snoop Dogg the novelist! Certainly made my afternoon.

The book is entitled, Love Don't Live Here No More: Book One of Doggy Tales by Snoop Dogg, David E. Talbert.

Comes complete with bonus music CD. So I ended up checking out the book myself...i'm at the part where there's some dope man named Buddha's taking our erstwhile protaganist around, schoolin' him on the ways of the streets. He gets all the fly honeys in the hood too. Oh, and there's some girl in a tight green mini-skirt with a booty big enough to sit a 40 on it.

So far it's fun, aside from the obvious cliches...Snoop has indeed paid the cost to be the boss. Bow wow wow.

Illusion?

Is this shrinking or is it just me?

The Library -- Serene. Sterile. Cerebral.

Deluxe Librarian Action Figure--Press Her Buttons!

*image courtesy lfla.org

"If you just can’t get enough of the Dewey decimals or if you go bananas for books, chances are you have a Librarian Action Figure. Nancy Pearl’s likeness made history as the best selling Librarian Action Figure of all time, but the true collector needs this Deluxe Edition. Each 5" (12.7 cm) tall, hard vinyl figure is dressed in a stylish burgundy outfit and comes in a library diorama with a reference desk, computer, book cart, multiple book stacks and some loose books, including a tiny plastic replica of Nancy’s latest, Book Lust 2. Press the button on her back for the infamous “amazing shushing action!” Illustrated window box."

Get your very own Librarian Action Figure @ the lapl store.

www.lfla.org/cgi-bin/store/12851.html

Library Clerks -- Freaks!

How exciting, my first post--on my new blog. Welcome. Allow me to introduce myself...I am a library clerk for the city of Los Angeles. I stamp books. I work the circulation desk. I create labels. I enjoy the company of elderly women. I am a boy. I help people.

Hope you enjoy reading my blog.