Who the heck can parlevouz a cow?

Nora Bayes (1912)
Wikipedia

Only the Bookstamper can go from Mac DRE lyrics to Post WWI pop music.

I discovered this tune recently and can't seem to get it out of my head. Written post WWI by Joe Young and Sam M. Lewis with music by Walter Donaldson, published in 1918. It was wildly popular apparently and was performed by an eclectic mix of singers at the time. My favorite version was performed by Nora Bayes, whose voice was...well..special. Also, her lyrics are slightly different from the "official" lyrics as are Harry Fay's who replaces Broadway with Piccadilly. Ms. Bayes: "Who the deuce can parlevouz a cow" is sung as "who the heck can parlevouz a cow". She even adds a "woo!" after one verse. Heck, that's just plain vulgar.

Amazon has a sample of Nora Bayes' version here.

Click here to hear it performed by Harry Fay in 1919. (long sample)

Returning from World War I, after time off in Paris, many soldiers found that raking and plowing back home on the farm was a bit dull. This arrangement comes with authentic sounding barnyard serenades -- but no smells. The movie, For Me and My Gal, with Judy Garland and Gene Kelly, featured this number.

How 'Ya Gonna Keep 'Em Down on the Farm
(After They've Seen Paree)

Reuben, Reuben, I've been thinking
Said his wifey dear
Now that all is peaceful and calm
The boys will soon be back on the farm
Mister Reuben started winking and slowly rubbed his chin
He pulled his chair up close to mother
And he asked her with a grin

Chorus (sung twice after each verse):
How ya gonna keep 'em down on the farm
After they've seen Paree'
How ya gonna keep 'em away from Broadway
Jazzin around and paintin' the town
How ya gonna keep 'em away from harm, that's a mystery
They'll never want to see a rake or plow
And who the deuce can parleyvous a cow?
How ya gonna keep 'em down on the farm
After they've seen Paree'

Rueben, Rueben, you're mistaken
Said his wifey dear
Once a farmer, always a jay
And farmers always stick to the hay
Mother Reuben, I'm not fakin
Tho you may think it strange
But wine and women play the mischief
With a boy who's loose with change

Chorus (sung twice after each verse):
How ya gonna keep 'em down on the farm
After they've seen Paree'
How ya gonna keep 'em away from Broadway
Jazzin around and paintin' the town
How ya gonna keep 'em away from harm, that's a mystery
Imagine Reuben when he meets his Pa
He'll kiss his cheek and holler "OO-LA-LA!
How ya gonna keep 'em down on the farm
After they've seen Paree'?