Worlds Greatest Book (Pamphlet) Title. (Part Deux)

Move over San Jose: City With A Past or Kind of Kabab! I just came across this, via recent GNN blog entry by one Harold H. Thompson, written from inside a Tennessee prison--while serving life-plus sentence, on the virtue of shutting the fu*k up.

More Pointless Research

Top 3 recent (utterly vacuous) research "findings". Who funds this stuff? Give me the money. I could totally take a research grant to prove the obvious. But I wouldn't, I would do serious research...I'd figure out why ghetto-ass people are always on the phone or always in a rush or why they speed in parking lots or why their stories ("drama") always involve some petty cash dispute or "someone getting fu*#ed up." That fool got fu*ked up! We were gonna fu*k some fool up last night! Or why fratboy stories are all the same--always about being wasted someplace. Dude we were so wasted! Dude, we were partying in Cabo over the break, we were so fu*ked up! We totally trashed the motel room! Or worse--why the Seinfeld-like yuppie stories ("drama") always involve getting bad service someplace. Complete with a (peculiarly) heightened sense of victimization. The girl who did my nails was totally inept. Oh my God, the hostess at the restaurant was such a bitch. The Soup Nazi fu*ked me! Then there's real drama in the world. But I digress, some researchers at some institute/university someplace receive grants to prove the obvious (or is that disprove the unobvious?).

Like this one from the good people at Aberdeen, who published in the American Journal of Clinical Nutrition recently (via BBC):

People often choose partners with similar body fatness to their own, according to new research.

The Aberdeen study involving 42 couples said people often married within their own social class as well as taking looks, height and race into account.

However, they have now found those with about the same amount of fat are likely to be attracted to each other.

Or this one about how price does not deter smoking:

Raising the price of cigarettes does not appear to deter current smokers from lighting up, research suggests.

"People who are still smoking are probably selectively those who are more addicted, so they are less likely to quit smoking if the price of their habit increases," Dr. Peter Franks, of University of California-Davis in Sacramento, told Reuters Health.

And finally this:

Girly Men are perfect partners, say Women

Women searching for the perfect partner avoid macho men in favour of feminine-looking types whom they see as more committed and better parents, research has found.

Men with masculine features, such as a square jaw, larger nose or smaller eyes were perceived to be less faithful, more detached and worse fathers. Those with fuller lips and wide eyes were seen as being more caring, nurturing and less likely to stray.

Psychologists from Durham and St Andrews Universities asked more than 400 people to look at pictures of male faces that were digitally altered to look more masculine or feminine. They were then asked to predict personality traits, such as sexual behaviour and parenting skills, based on the images.

The results, published in the journal Personality and Individual Differences, revealed that as well as preferring more feminine faces, participants chose healthier ones - such as those with better complexions - as more representative of positive traits, while older faces were preferred over younger ones.

And they could answer some questions when it comes to celebrity pairings. The jazz singer Michael Buble's round cheeks and eyes may indicate that his girlfriend, the Devil Wears Prada actress Emily Blunt, is looking to settle down. The actress Gwyneth Paltrow's choice of the scruffy Coldplay singer Chris Martin could be explained by his big blue eyes and bee-stung lips.

The chef Jamie Oliver's button nose and baby face may show that his wife, Jools, was spot on when she chose to start a family with him - not only does he seem a model father but he has also taken charge of the eating habits of others' children as well.

The lead author, Dr Lynda Boothroyd, a Durham University psychology lecturer, said: "This research shows a high amount of agreement between women about what they see, personality wise, when asked to 'judge a book by its cover'.

Let us not rush to discount the relevant and potentially life saving research being conducted by serious professionals today however. Recently, researchers discovered:

Exercise unleashes a bounce bras can't handle
Breasts fly up and down a distance of up to 8 inches, study says

Whether women are said to be flat-chested or big-busted, ordinary bras fall short when it comes to supporting bouncing breasts, a new study claims.

And during exercise, women's breasts bounce more than previously estimated, moving a vertical distance of up to around eight inches compared with a past maximum measurement of six inches.

The bouncing, in some cases with breasts weighing 20 pounds or more, can prove painful and damaging to the limited natural support system.While brassieres have evolved throughout history from body-binding corsets to cleavage-enhancing "miracle" bras, only recently have researchers injected a dose of science into the design of undergarments that go beyond conferring a more "perky" look, the researcher says.

"It is only recently that bra design has turned to science," said study author Joanna Scurr, a biomechanics professor at the University of Portsmouth in England. "There was no research. It’s like designing a car or kitchen equipment without first thinking 'what is the purpose of this?'"

Scurr will present her research this week at an annual meeting for the British Association of Sport and Exercise Sciences in Bath.

Breast biomechanics
Scurr recruited 70 women, including students and faculty from the University of Portsmouth, with bra sizes ranging from A-cup to extra-large (DD, E, FF, G, H, HH, J and JJ were included).

Each woman walked, jogged and ran while wearing different bra types. During the exercise, Scurr took biomechanical measurements, including the amount of breast movement in three directions: up-and-down, side-to-side and in-and-out.

During walking exercise, the women's breasts moved relatively the same amount in all directions. But when participants sped up to a jog or run, their breasts moved proportionally more in some directions than others: More than 50 percent of the total movement was in the up-down direction, 22 percent side-to-side and 27 percent in-and-out.

Indeed these are exciting times in the field of Breast Biomechanics.

Special Comment

A final thought. In what I like to call my--Who's Looking Out For You segment.

Parking lot speeders--worst bunch of assholes on the planet. Really there is no one worse. Even terrorists are principled. Parking lot speeders have no redeeming qualities.

Good night and good day.

Quote of the day

"(James) Bond is an imperialist and a misogynist who kills people and laughs about it, and drinks Martinis and cracks jokes....Bourne is a serial monogamist whose girlfriend is dead and he does nothing but think about her"

--Matt Damon

Lyrically Speaking. Part Un.

Just plain bad and/or bizzaro lyrics. Some of my favorite tunes make no sense! This will be an ongoing feature on the blog starting, well now. Stupid Lyrics (or lyrics that make sense only to those who don't actually listen to lyrics).

Air Supply - Even The Nights Are Better

Even the nights are better
Now that we're here together
Even the nights are better
Since I found you, oh

No shit the nights would be better. Now if he had said, Even Tuesday mornings at the library are better--that shit would have real meaning for me and made sense.

Positive K - I Gotta Man

I got a man

I'm not tryin to hear that

Now you can persist to play Don Juan all day
But ain't nothin gonna change

Yeah baby, sure you're right
I'ma break it down and do whatever I gots to do
I tell you know, I got eyes for you

You got eyes, but they not for me
You better use them for what they for and that's to see

You know what's the problem, ya not used to learnin
I'm Big Daddy Longstroke, and your man's Pee Wee Herman

I got a question to ask you troop
Are you a chef, cause you keep feedin' me soup

You know what they say about those who sweat thyself
You might find yourself, by yourself
I'm not waitin because I'm no waiter
So when I blow up, don't try to kick it to me later

All them girls must got you gassed

A-when they see a good thing they don't let it pass

Well that's OK, cause see if that's their plan
Cause for me, I already got a man

What's your man got to do with me?

I got a man

I'm not tryin to hear that see

I got a man

What's your man got to do with me?

I got a man

I'm not tryin to hear that
What am I, some crab inmate
that just came home from jail sweatin you for a date?
I don't want no beef, I just wants to get together

But how you talkin, pssssh, whatevah!

We can't have nothin

It all depends
Well if we can't be lovers than we can't be friends

Well then I guess it's nothing

Well hey I think you're bluffing

Well I'ma call my man

Well I can get raggamuffin
Ya better catch a flashback remember I'm not crabbin it
You know my style, from I'm Not Havin It

All I remember's an excuse me miss
You can't get a guy like me with a line like this

Well look I'll treat you good

My man treats me better

I talk sweet on the phone

My man writes love letters

I'll tell you that I want you, and tell you that I care

My man says the same except he's sincere

Well I'm clean cut and dapper, that's what I'm about

My man buys me things and he takes me out

Well you can keep your man, cause I don't go that route

Don't you know yu haffa respeck me

There's a lot of girls out there who won't say no

You're out for mami with your DJ Money

Boom batter my pockets is gettin fatter
I wanna turn you on and excite you
Let me know the spot on your body and I bite you
So when your man don't treat you like he used to
I kick in like a turbo booster
You want lovin you don't have to ask when
Your man's a headache, I'll be your aspirin
All confusion, you know I'll solve em

I got a man

You got a what?
How long you had that problem?

For those unfamiliar with this hip hop classic, it's about trying to pick up a girl (say, at a club--or as my ghetto friends would say--holla at a bitch, kid). Theres a back and forth/a tit-for-tat/ping for pong going on between Mr. K and a female vocalist (in italics representing all those kind girls who turn a brother down). So after spending countless verses on trying to pick up on a girl--building a brother up, braggin' about how well he'd treat her and all that jazz (jazz? who still says that? A person who uses the word dapper, that's who), she tells him that her man buys her things and takes her out. To which he replies, you can keep your man cause I don't go that route. He then continues to try to pick up on this girl. Geez.

How long you had that problem?

Turning 60

Courtesy BBC News

"There can be no question of coercing any large areas in which one community has a majority to live against their will under a government in which another community has a majority. And the only alternative to coercion is partition."

--Viceroy of British India, Lord Mountbatten

National newspapers' across Pakistan paint a rather depressing picture.

THE NEWS

Though a solid 60 years old today, many of its citizens would say unequivocally that the country has not been able to achieve what its founders had in mind for it. Issues of identity, religion and faith have yet to be settled, and have probably only been made worse by a spate of rulers who tried to push religion and ideology in order to legitimise their own illegal rule.

THE NATION

The anniversary reminds one that the country has failed to achieve any of the ideals enunciated by its founding fathers. Quaid-e Azam Mohammad Ali Jinnah wanted the new country to be a modern and pluralist Islamic democratic welfare state.

NAWA-I-WAQT

Today on the 60th Independence Day of the country we should seriously analyse why we failed to achieve the targets set for us by Quaid-e Azam and Allama Iqbal. Today we should all have to carry out self-accountability and compensate for our mistakes. Otherwise, we will lose our real goal forever.

THE DAWN

To say that we have achieved nothing over these six decades is to deny the truth. True, we have made blunder after blunder, committed terrible crimes against our own people, and in the process lost half the country in 1971. Yet the record is not all that bleak. When all is said and done, there has been progress, though, admittedly, the rate could have been faster.

ISLAM

We are celebrating the 60th anniversary of independence at a time when the country is passing through political uncertainty and a chaotic situation. Unfortunately, we are still indecisive about the system and goals of our country. The need of the hour is that we... transform the country into a real Islamic and welfare state.

DAILY TIMES

What is worrying is the pattern of instability that Pakistan has followed since its creation. The 60 years we have lived give evidence of the fact that governments have lacked legitimacy one way or another and the army has dictated terms on "national issues" it didn't want the politicians to touch.

AUSAF

If we look back at the past 60 years, we will see the instability of the democratic system as our major failure. This is the root cause of the tough challenges we are facing today... The time has come for our rulers to think maturely and take decisions for the betterment of the country and nation. Remember that no person is indispensable.

JANG

On this historically important day we demand that all the politicians, religious scholars and technocrats sit together and steer the country out of these complicated crises... All Pakistanis should unite over the common interests of Pakistan.

From BBC: Indian Independence Pictures



As partition looms, illustrator EH Shepard (of Winnie the Pooh fame) depicts the mainly Hindu Congress organisation and the Muslim League as two elephants ignoring each other in a 1946 cartoon for Punch. All images courtesy of the British Library.

This 1928 poster condemns the Simon Commission sent by London to look at India's future because it had no Indian members.

This poster shows non-cooperating Indians sitting in a tree as a soldier tries to shake them out and Mahatma Gandhi sits by serenely.

From the 1920s, Congress advocated the boycotting of British goods and the embrace of Swadeshi - the promotion of Indian products and traditional technologies.

This Congress poster depicts India as an old man having to choose from three paths: co-operation with the imperial government, violence and peaceful non-cooperation.

Reality.

Ahh...sweet relationships...this is reality. I actually know who these people are. Frightening.



30 Cups. Never enough.

Swing.

Alfie.

Gilda. I look on an evening with just one bird as only half the menu...matter of fact, what I like is to have three women--I don't mean all there at once, but all three on tap. And I like a bit of variety in them: one thin, one fat and one medium, or say, one very young, one a bit older and another in between. You'll find with three like that you'll get the most of your needs satisfied. Mind you, I never like to go straight from one bird to another without a break in between, I find I need a bit of a change, a bit of a talk with a few mates, so I nipped into a pub where I knew one or two of my mates hang out. I don't like making fixed arrangements with anybody--I like to live in a casual come -and-go-style.

Late nite music chemistry

My favorite from Our Love To Admire. One part Pixies, one part Zeppelin and Ozzy-like vocals. Nice.

Interpol - Rest My Chemistry


Just a rage and three kinds of yes.

Edukation. (Circa 1913)

Donations. We receive literally thousands of books and other materials a year. In fact over 20% of our collection at the branch is from patron donations. Sorting through the boxes/bags can sometimes be drag, but many a gem has been discovered. Today something special (even more special than the Kind of Kabob cookbook from a few months back) caught my eye (the lazy one). An absolute gem!

Excerpts from A Manual of Sex Hygiene (1914) by Winfield Scott Hall Ph.D (M.D.) & Jeannette Winter Hall (Biologist, Teacher and Mother):

From the Introduction:

It not infrequently happens that one unclean child will contaminate a whole neighborhood of clean-minded children before the parents discover the condition.

Further into the Introduction (superficially profound with not-so-subtle racist overtones or is that undertones?):

We find that our race emerged from a condition known as Primeval Man into a condition somewhat advance above that, known as Savagery. Our race was in the condition of Savagery from about six or seven thousand years ago (!) to four thousand years ago. Savages are fetish-worshiping, raft-sailing, cave-dwelling children of Nature.

From about Four thousand years ago to about one thousand years ago our ancestors lived in the forests of central Europe and southeastern Europe, and were in the age of Barbarism. This age is characterized as crude and cruel, rough and ready, venal and vulgar, blundering and blustering Barbarism. In their age of Barbarism they lived in tents if they were nomadic, in rude dwellings of stone and log if not nomadic. They were developing the industries concerned in the making of implements of war and the chase, of fabrics of apparel, and of various conveniences about the home. It was the age of war and the chase. It was an age of hero worship. Woman was a chattel; affection and consideration for the woman was no known.

From this age of Barbarism our race emerged into Chivalry over a thousand years ago. The age of Chivalry was at its height about five hundred years ago and merged by imperceptible gradation into our present system. In the age of Chivalry society as we know it came into being. The shackles were stricken from a woman, and she came into her present high estate.

Of course in 1913, if your point of reference for women's rights is the age of barbarism, no doubt women were indeed in high estate.

Onto an actual conversation (okay, a theoretical one between a mother and daughter):

"Why, Mother, the ovaries of a girl then are sacred to her womanhood, aren't they?"

"Yes, daughter, and that is why Mother has told you this story of womanhood, so you would always have that attitude toward this part of your body. The sex apparatus of a girl is, as you say, sacred to her womanhood. And do you see, daughter, that when a girl comes to have this feeling toward her sex apparatus, as she surely will have once she once understands the plan her Creator for the development of her womanhood, she could never be misled by an older, vulgar-minded girl into habits of touching or even thinking about her sex organs in such a way as to cause irritation or excitation of them."

"Yes, Mother, I understand perfectly, and I can not understand how any girl should ever do such a thing. There are some girls in school who frequently use vulgar language that makes us girls blush with shame. Surely these girls have not had these things explained to them by their mothers, or they would not use such language as they do."

On girls' monthly visitations (rights):

"But, Mamma, does this happen every month?"

"Yes, daughter, every twenty-eight days as a rule. But, daughter, this experience, which is common to all womanking and which may not at first be easy to become adjusted to, is your Creator's preparation of you for future motherhood."

"Why, Mamma, that is very different. You know I want to be a mother some time just as you are. I want some day to have a little baby all my own whose little warm, soft body I can hold close up to me."

"Yes, daughter, Mother wants you to be a daughter some day too. So when this comes to you, this staining of your linen with the first monthly period, if you will come to Mother she will give you further instructions as to just how to take care of yourself."

(1) That she should cleanse her external sex organs each morning and evening with tepid water as near to her blood temperature as possible.
(2) That she should during the three to five days of her monthly period abstain from and strenuous exercise such as dancing, skating, rowing, long cross-country walking, horseback riding, bicycle riding, or anything else that would not be called gentle exercise.
(3) That she should not take a cold bath during those days; and if in summer, of course, not go in swimming at the bathing beach.
(4) That she should carefully avoid getting her feet wet, in fact should take especial car during those days to keep both hand and feet warm and dry
(5) That she should try to cultivate a spirit of happiness and contentment during those days; though she might feel both unhappy and discontented sometimes, she should restrain herself and never permit herself to give expression to any unhappiness, irritation, annoyance or discontent.
(6) Today, daughter, you had better stay at home with Mother.

Mother knows best. You know, I haven't actually finished reading a book in months...I'm completely and utterly fascinating with this one. I am so going to finish this one. Now, if we could just build a time machine and bring me back a girl circa 1913--one who never permit(s) herself to give expression to unhappiness, irritation, annoyance or discontent. I can dream can't I?

Will keep you updated on Sex Hygiene tips circa 1913. Next update will be about entering into Manhood. (I skipped over the entire "Where to babies come" part...too much good stuff in this one!) Surprisingly, there is some information in this Manual that is still quite relevant today, but there's also much in here at us post-post-modern folk would scoff at. Society of scoffers we've become. 1913, must've taken some courage to even publish a book such as this. Top hats off to the authors.

I am so going to be late for work in the AM.

Bach Ke Rehna Re Baba

"I used to be like you, now look at me--I'm dating two Asian girls."
--David Cross from School For Scoundrels (2006)

On now...Bach Ke Rehna Re Baba (exact translation eludes me), on ARYDI satellite channel (major Urdu language satellite channel--based/uplinked from the UAE--where else?). Bach Ke ("saved") game show is hosted by what appears to be a Chinese girl speaking fluent Urdu. Totally fascinating. She's got the accent and mannerisms down cold. Wow. Just wow. Hopefully they/she gives us a name. The game itself is a mix between the Price Is Right and Nick's Double Dare where contestants (teams of two teens--boy/girl) compete for cash prizes...roll giant dice on then perform all sorts of not-so-challenging games. The show is god awful, but I'm totally fascinated by the chupti host.

Sophia Chee is her name and she just signed off with Allah-Hafiz. Amazing. I don't watch much television, but all this Urdu language programming is bringing me back to my roots...okay, so my roots are grounded squarely in the mean streets of the San Fernando Valley (like, yea), but never underestimate the power of false pride!


Sophia Chee

Late nite music with oysters and dry lancers...

What college music sounds like. These guys surely didn't drop out of art school.

Pavement - Shady Lane (1997)


It's everybody's God.

Late nite poetry...that works!

Poetry ala Frank Tovey aka Fad Gadget on being coy.

Coitus Interruptus

Coitus interruptus
I digress, I've tried again
All this love sick repetition
I confess, I lied again

Coitus interruptus
Emission impossible
Catch this blood clot in a vacuum
Get your cheap thrills
I'll do it my way

The boys sleep with girl
The boys sleep with boy
Never find that high
Never acting coy
Never acting coy

What would you do for Rs1000?

Just finished watching a show called Living On The Edge (theme song by Aerosmith, who else?) on The Musik satellite channel. Touted as the first Indo-Pak dare (as in I double dare you paki) show. A kind of desi Fear Factor sans production value or budget. I came into it a bit late, but the dare apparently was to eat tablespoons of red chili powder. The record was 12 tablespoons. The poor girl ate 9 and couldn't go any longer. Then they had a miserable drawn out interview with the pagal larki who took on the challenge. For...get this 1000Rs. Rupees my Western friends. PKR.

1000 PKR = $16.5027 USD

I would pay the poor girl 2000Rs to stop. The girl said something about wanting to break to record, as some kind of nationalist pride or something. I think I heard that correctly, national pride. I laughed when I heard it, but now as I write this, I'm thinking...getting into the Guinness Book of World Records--a first for a Pakistani woman. For...swallowing spoonfuls of chili powder. Thomas Friedman would be proud. The World. Flat indeed.

Conspiracy Update: The South Asian/Pakistani satellite package from Disk Network comes with a couple bonus channels. One of which is the new PNTG Channel. Hey! Freedom Journal Iraq is on...we're winning! Yea!

Quote of the day...

From the Reporters On The Job (World) column of the Christian Science Monitor (6/6/07):

World Editor David Clark Scott writing, Even US Mideast Friends Worried.

"I have a complaint about the American people," Sheikh Hani Fahs, A Shiite cleric in Beirut who is well known for forging Christian-Muslim dialogue in Lebanon, told Scott [Peterson, Staff Writer] during a long interview.

Until Then, the conversation had focused on the chances of civil war in Lebanon, the Shiite mind-set, and Sheikh Fah's own past close contact with the leader of Iran's 1979 revolution, Ayatollah Khomeini. But peering at Scott through thick glasses, the cleric had something else on his mind, too.

"You [Americans] used to elect presidents who were enemies, but were sane. Now you have become as insane as we are," said Fahs, with more than a hint of sadness.

Terry Du Jour

Terry Crews singing in White Chicks. I love that song.